Kevin Charnas

Proudly Served Without Giving Handjobs, Blowjobs Or Getting It Up The Butt

2009-07-02T05:52:00.000-07:00

"After 10 years of service to our country -- including leading combat patrols, rebuilding schools and translating Arabic in Iraq for 15 months -- the Federal Recognition Board issued its recommendation on Tuesday that I be discharged from the Army for "moral and professional dereliction" under the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy."

- Lt. Dan Choi

As though that service speaks nothing. AN ARABIC LINGUIST FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

So, you may or may not remember, but I'm a gay Veteran... proudly both.

One was a choice for me.

I'm on the right in the following three pics:

When I served, I didn't march to morning chow in anything but a uniform.

And this wasn't it. Although, I'm sure that's quite liberating.

And at morning muster, I didn't wave my willy in the air like I just didn't care and yell,

"SIR, I'M HERE! I'M QUEER! LET'S PARTY, SIR!!"

When I served, I didn't throw down my weapon and declare,

"YOU'VE GOT ME, BOYS! WHAT ARE Y'ALL WAITIN' FOR, A DIRECT ORDER? COME AND GET ME!!"

When I served, I didn't try and give anyone blowjobs in the showers. And I didn't try to make them give ME blowjobs. I didn't try to feel anyone's penis or balls. And I don't remember mounting anyone. I didn't continually drop the soap and perform

the "bend and SNAP!" in front of my shipmates or fellow crew members. That was saved for special occasions. Like holidays.

Oh sure, I did do it quite regularly with my M16, it's just that that big ole gun was so heavy and I was tired of chipping my nails and my dainty arms could barely hold that dumb, silly weapon.

There was a true camaraderie in our port security unit and the only crevice that was deep and visited much was that of true fellowship among soldiers and sailors working towards the same goal.

And when I was deployed to Haiti for "Operation Uphold Democracy", besides our "mission", we just wanted to keep the dirt and fleas out of our ears and eyes, shit as quickly as we could because the "pots" were vile and the temperature in them ran around 110 degrees, plus added sweat didn't help the rash ("crotch-rot") that we all had spread over our groins, and to not get shot. I know, revolutionary... we didn't want to die there.

I wasn't thinking, "Man oh menz... I wish I could get me some 69-action goin' on UP IN HERE IN ALL THIS RASHINESS, Y'ALL!!! BRING IT, BISHES! LET ME JUST POWDER MY NOSE WITH SOME FUCKING CLOROX!"

This might surprise some people, but we had other things on our minds.

There is something in the military that you may have heard of... It's called discipline. And if someone can't do their job and keep something in their pants, so to speak, straight OR gay, they're going to have problems in more places than just the military.

Make no mistake, there have always been and always will be gays in the military. And allowing them to serve with true pride and dignity and EQUAL RIGHTS in exactly who they are would by NO MEANS necessitate an end result of a lack of conduct or discipline. That's what the military is all about; Conduct and Discipline. And that wouldn't and shouldn't change. It's simple and juvenile to think otherwise.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi:

We, the undersigned, urge you to make "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" a priority and publicly support the Military Readiness Enhancement Act (HR 1283) -- legislation that would repeal DADT and replace it with a policy of nondiscrimination.

Lt. Dan Choi, a graduate of the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, an Iraq War veteran, Arabic translator and California native, is a capable soldier and leader who could continue to play a vital role in this time of war. His firing is a symbol of all that is wrong with this policy.

Both the Senate Majority Leader and President Obama have spoken publicly about the need to repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell". Speaker Pelosi -- your voice and your leadership is needed at this crucial time.

We call on you to make the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" a priority in Congress. We cannot afford to lose any more talented soldiers critical to our national security.

Sincerely,

Your Name

(This image compliments of Whit Honea.)

If sovereign people who know nothing other than their freedom had ANY IDEA the insidious self-loathing that accompanies being in an oppressed sect of people, the lowest of the low on the totem pole, there wouldn't be a minute left of discrimination. It would have no place to hide.

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Shit Under Glass... And On Top Of It Too...

2009-07-01T18:43:00.000-07:00

Sears Tower unveils 103rd floor glass balconies

Lovely Sears Tower dominating the Chicago skyline.

And...

My feet literally began sweating just looking at this shot.

And then my hands...

Yes. My hands definitely began to perspire here.

And I would strongly consider just pissing my pants.

Yep. I'd totally be lying in a big puddle of bright yellow piss right about now.

And quite possibly shit. I would strongly consider just completely soiling myself at this point. I'm really about to anyway...

That's it. I'm dead. DEAD, I SAY!!! I would be screaming for my very life and grasping at anything near me. No one with hair would be safe. I'd probably be crying too.

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The Omo People - Fancy Danger Zones

2009-07-01T06:37:00.000-07:00

This truly awesome contribution comes to us from our gorgeous, blue/green eyed goddess in Santa Barbara, Claudette. Thanks, Claud! I love it.

I usually find tattoos/body art intriguing, though I have none myself. But, like something that's in front of my eyes on a constant basis, while I try not to take beauty for granted, it eventually loses something for me... If I were to be honest, I appreciate something more when it's temporary, impermanent. And living back in four distinct seasons is reminding me of this... A celebration of the moment seems more clear, more distinctive. When I look out the window, or am in the garden, the light and the colors and hues are hardly the same way twice.

Anyway, that's why I find this body art of the "Omo People" so stunning. Besides its raw, natural beauty, it's fleeting... and will never be the same twice.

And of course, they adorn their boobs and peeps too, which is always fun.

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BRING OUT YER DEAD!!

2009-06-30T07:17:00.000-07:00

Holy smokes, this bastard

was sure busy last week, wasn't he? Dang... Got a little carried away there, don't you think, sport?

I have to say that I was greatly saddened by all of the very public deaths last week... And two of the biggest icons of my younger years, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson dying on the same day??? Just really bizarre... It's always so surreal when icons die. As if they're immune to it... As though they only lived in a book.

But, of course, they were real. They laughed and cried and yelled and died, just as we all do and will...

And yes, we've certainly got the birth and death part in common. Not much choice there... But, we do have a choice in how we live... How we chose to be during this precious, fleeting human life.

“Honesty is the single most important factor having a direct bearing on the final success of an individual, corporation, or product.”

- Ed McMahon

“Hi, Billy Mays here for..."

- Billy Mays

“God made man stronger but not necessarily more intelligent. He gave women intuition and femininity. And, used properly, that combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I've ever met."

But, she also said, "I'm shy. I can go on a trip for days and not go because I won't sit on a toilet seat on a plane. I'm certainly not going to go on somebody's lawn. Could you imagine, in a cocktail dress?"

- Farrah Fawcett (Her Documentary)

“If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.”

- Michael Jackson

"Terrible or not, difficult or not, the only thing that is beautiful, noble, religious and mystical is to be happy."

- Arnaud Desjardins

"Don't Worry, Be Happy"

- Bobby McFerrin

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Goodbye, "Hello/Goodbye"...

2009-06-21T10:04:00.000-07:00

"Hello/Goodbye" by William Bezek, (9 x 12, oil on canvas) leaves us to go and reside in the private collection of Molly and The Baron.

"Hello/Goodbye", I shall miss you, but I find comfort knowing that you are going to a good home where you will be loved and cherished and I shall see you again... So, until next time, I'll bid you a fond adieu.

*** Introducing William Bezek's, Pans Garden, which features Will's paintings and sculptures. ***

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Protecting And Respecting LIFE

2009-06-19T15:30:00.000-07:00

In Hillel The Elder's Words: "If Not Now, When?"

2009-06-18T15:24:00.000-07:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

The Obama Administration actually likened Gay Marriage to pedophilia and incest...

If you're so inclined, please take a moment to sign this petition: Tell Obama and Holder: Stop defending Inequality.

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The Fish Special

2009-06-17T12:21:00.000-07:00

So, the other day, Will and I took the pups for a walk around Wade Lagoon, which lies in front of The Cleveland Museum of Art and is only about 5 minutes from our home. Okay, maybe 7 minutes... Alright, maybe 8. But, NO MORE! Well... maybe sometimes 9, BUT THAT'S IT, DAMN IT!!

The Lagoon itself is gorgeous and surrounded by ornamental flowering trees, fountains

and sculptures.

This is "Night" passing the Earth to "Day", with the Museum of Art sitting proudly in the background.

Even the lamp-posts are fantastic and are art in and of themselves.

And then,

there's the Museum of Art itself.

A structure from another time...

From a period of grace in the pride of continuing classical architecture, which is indeed timeless, without the need to forge one's own design and masterbate one's own ego and piss all over something that we're going to consider atrocious in 30 years.

I guess you can probably tell how I feel about most modern architecture... I'm not a big fan.

Now don't get me wrong. I understand the psychology behind the attempt to be original. And I DO appreciate some contemporary architecture. And even the shitty stuff is a great contrast to the stunning works, providing perspective. I mean, how would we know what's good if we haven't seen what's bad, right?

Anyway, enough of my silly rant, here's the beauty settling in

at dusk.

And more dusk.

And slumbering peacefully at night.

Wade Lagoon is surrounded by other fantastic structures that make up what's called "University Circle".

Severance Hall, home of the Cleveland Orchestra.

And Severance Hall at night.

And then, the holy oil can church, as we like to call it.

With its stunning patina copper steeple.

And at night, shinning bright like a pale Aquamarine stone.

So, Will, the pups and myself continued our meandering around the serene lagoon. And we came across the Koi or, "Nishikigoi" (Living Jewels), as the Japanese also refer to them, but when speaking more formally. And when pronounced out loud, sounds more like a sneeze, I know.

Now, Will and I actually have a Koi pond with our new home. And it really is tranquil, SO meditative... I really never thought I actually WANTED a Koi pond, I guess I never thought one way or the other about it. But, now that we have one, I LOVE it. Will and I take our coffee out there in the mornings and it practically lulls me right back into bed. So, it's good for the soul, but maybe not so much for the productive end of life.

Well anyway, we were watching the rather large and in-charge Koi at Wade Lagoon when these kids of maybe 18 came bouncing and sauntering up. Their pants were barely hanging on and they had probably only been the proud owners of pubes for about 4 years now.

So, they walked up and were all, "DUDE! LOOK AT THAT BIG ASS GOLDFISH!"

And I should've just kept my mouth shut, but I didn't want them to be dumb, so I said, "Actually, it's a Koi."

And they all just turned their heads and stared at me as though I just asked, "Well, Hello there... What do you all say on the count of 3, we have a 20 minute session of sucking my balls? Who's first?"

So, convincing myself that they must have not heard me, I repeated myself, "They're not really 'Goldfish', they're called 'Koi.'"

Again, nothing. They all turned around ignoring me and kept looking at the big ass goldfish.

Had I only had a slide show presentation with me. I could've said, "This is a GOLDFISH, bishes."

A super fancy one at that.

Then, there's this one,

that makes my eyes hurt. Or my eyeLIDS hurt. Or my eyes, my eyelids AND my ears. Actually, it just makes my whole face hurt. And you KNOW that he's all, "Dude... Thanks a lot for breeding me to look like this. WTF? Real nice, bro. Reeaalll nice..."

Then, there's THIS one,

Black Goldfish (wouldn't it just be called "Blackfish"? Or... "Slightly Gray and Dull Blue Fish With Lots Of Fucked Up Shit on its head"?) from GuangZhou Zoo. It's also called "Black Lion". His roar tends to be a little muffled though... with a few bloops. And you KNOW that he's all, "HEY! WHERE YOU BE AT? DANG, I CAN'T SEES A THANG! THIS SHIT BE CCRRAAZZYY, YO!" (source)

We've named our Koi... Or rather, I'VE named our Koi. Which can be unfortunate when there's an f-ing Blue Heron that occasionally lands and STEALS our family membered fish from the pond for dinner. At a later date, I shall take some pics of them and post them with their names, if there are any left. But, in the meantime, we DO have a yellow/gold one like this kind

that I've named "Goldie Hawn". She's going to be a STAR, I just know it!

Now, this is some serious dedication to Koi, no?

And I haven't quite figured it out yet, whether or not his body art is suppose to be symbolizing that his ass BLEW that Koi and those water lillies out of there, or whether his hole is like a big drain and it's going to suck them up. I'm sure that it's one or the other.

So, Will and I are loving the Koi. Although, we know that they just love us for the food.

(source) But, at least we have an understanding.

It's crazy, you can hear the fish speaking Japanese! The translation, you ask? "I NEEDS ME SOME FOOD, BISH! AND KEEPS YOUR SLIMY SCALES OFF ME, SUCKA! DANG! ALL Y'ALL BE CRAMPIN' MY GAME!! shiiiitttt.."

You're probably wondering where I'm going with this post. Well, like a stroll, really no place in particular. And that's the point of it, I guess.

Will and I continued our walk with the pups around the park.

And I noticed that there weren't too many people on their cell phones talking, or texting, or facebooking. They were looking at the trees, the flowers and the bees. They were watching the "Big Ass Goldfish" and talking with one another...in person. And it was extraordinary in its simplicity.

And I thought it was worth writing about...

***The History of Koi***

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Take It Away, Mr. Dynamite...

2009-06-14T11:31:00.000-07:00

The below two posts of those assholes Gretchen Carlson and Sarah Palin make my brain hurt so bad,

"IDIOTS!!

GOSH!!"

That I think we need Napoleon Dynamite to dance us out of this freak-ville. It's all you, Napoleon...

Napoleon Dynamite Dance Scene

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ASS

2009-06-14T11:17:00.001-07:00

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Fox & Friends' Lingerie Football Romp

thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Economic Crisis

"Next thing you know, a guy will be straddling me."

Oh please... Dude... that was such an idiotic thing to say. DUMB, really...

So, yes. You guys have all probably heard about how Sacha Baron Cohen came flying through the air at the MTV Movie Awards,

Slowly losing air-speed,

and dive-bombing the audience before

he landed

ass up

in Eminem's face.

I've never seen any of Sacha Cohen's work. Never have seen "Borat" or any of his other characters, although I'd like to. And I really don't know much about Mr. Eminem, so I can't say how I feel about him one way or the other. But, when I saw the stunt on The Daily Show, I did think that it was pretty funny.

But, that wasn't the extent of it, as you may have seen if you watched the above clip. There's a few more asses to be seen that are so fucking stupid they're actually hysterical.

And here's the queen of them:

Ms. Gretchen Carlson (Does she not look like she's going to "snort like a piggy" at any moment??? COME ON!! Snort like a piggy, Gretchie!! Come on little piggy! You can do it! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink!)

I thought what was rather humorous was when I was searching for images of her, this one came up;

It must be what she looks like before hair and make-up and coffee.

You be one grouchy, hairy piggy, Gretchen... Dang.

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The Trash On The North Slope

2009-06-14T10:41:00.000-07:00

I just can't believe how fucking stupid Sarah Palin is... It's something I truly have a hard time grasping...

She's so bizarre. So uneducated and silly. And I honestly believe that David Letterman was referring to their older daughter. So, this media whore insinuates that David Letterman is a child molester. If she had any grace or class, she would've let the joke go. But, like I said, she's a MEDIA WHORE. She's trash.

What he said was an accident and unintentional. What's she's said is so accusatory, so filled with malicious intent, it's not only ridiculous and distasteful, it's DISGUSTING.

And what's even worse is that people still like her. If she were fat, had 25 moles on her face, 40 strands of hair coming out of that stupid, fucking head and 6 teeth, no one would give her the time of day.

So, what's left to do? Well, I'm really, really hoping for her metabolism to slow way down while she binges on burgers and fries, moles and warts grow like mad through all of that cheap foundation, for scabies to appear on her scalp, and for her to catch a trip-wire while roller-skating. Except I'd rather not be around to smell the stench of burnt teeth. I hate that.

Now, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR, DAMN IT???

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Scary Spector Spice

2009-06-11T17:14:00.000-07:00

Uummm... Did nobody know that Phil Spector was a murderer before??

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Carrie Prejean's New Book!

2009-06-11T15:15:00.000-07:00

"Matt... There may or may not be pictures of my bare vulva out there... How can I say? I mean... Can I control a photographer that may or may not have put a stealth camera in a toilet somewhere that I didn't know about while I was going wee-wee? How can one be sure? I mean, look... All I know is that women sit down to wee-wee and men stand up to pee-pee. That's all I know."

Carrie Prejean's Ass Gets Canned

"LOS ANGELES, Calif. -- Carrie Prejean says that she is planning on penning a book about her experience as Miss California, a title she was stripped of by pageant organizers this week.

"I'm going to be writing A BOOK soon and it's going to be letting people know the truth about what's going on and what has gone on through all of this," Carrie told Billy Bush in an interview for Access Hollywood and "The Billy Bush Show" on Wednesday."

According to inside sources that wish to remain anonymous (me), Miss Prejean is very excited and has the cover of her pending book all figured out. And it's going to be quite revealing as to the actual content of the "book".

This anonymous source also states that Carrie's got her Crayola crayons all ready and is DETERMINED to stay inside the lines... where she and her three brain cells belong.

Carrie looks to her future...

(And by the way, did you notice the "EXIT" sign above Carrie's head? Yeah... That's appropriate...)

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Reckless Driving...

2009-06-11T13:15:00.000-07:00

This wholesome family outing demonstrating Sarah Palin's abstinence agenda in the Country she calls "Africa" is brought to us from our debonair and dashing correspondent in D.C. That's right, DICKIE!! Thanks, Dickie.

Don't let that jackass Sarah Palin see these two going at it, she'll gun 'em down from a helicopter and use tax payer money to pay for it.

What's even more hysterical in this video clip are the sounds coming from the people inside the car... Had I been in the vehicle, I would've probably been laughing just as uncontrollably, though simultaneously barfing all over myself. Because not unlike Sarah Palin, pink monkey crotches freak me the fuck out and nauseate me. And of course, they taste AWFUL! Yuk.

Sorry... I had to.

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"Great Grandma Got Blown Over By A Taser, While Being A Big Asshole Thursday Eve..."

2009-06-11T12:24:00.000-07:00

This contribution comes to us from our dashing correspondent; Dickie in D.C. Thanks, Dickie!! How awful am I that I started giggling when she rolled into the ditch moaning, "OOOHHHH!! OOHHHHH!!"? Dickie, you know that's going to be "Tina" in 10 years. Hell, that's Tina NOW.

I don't think that she was "as tough as nails", I think she's an idiot and I would've tasered her ass a lot sooner. I don't give a fuck if she IS 72 years old. She's a 72 year old lying asshole that literally got what she asked for.

And being accountable for our actions???

Imagine...

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Higher Learning Or Maybe Not So Much...

2009-06-07T07:04:00.000-07:00

Actor James Franco pulls out of UCLA grad speech

AP "LOS ANGELES – Actor James Franco says he has dropped a plan to give a commencement speech at the University of California, Los Angeles, a move that may have been prompted by pressure from students.

Franco issued a statement saying he canceled his June 12 appearance because of conflicts with preproduction demands for his next film.

However, the "Pineapple Express" star had been the object of opposition from students who said he was not the right fit for the commencement speech.

"The problem with him as a speaker comes down to the fact he was a peer for so many of us," UCLA senior Erin Moore said. "He was in our class. He's not a role model. And he hasn't had time to accomplish anything with his degree."

Franco, 31, enrolled at UCLA in 1996 and graduated last year with a degree in creative writing. He would have been the youngest person and most recent graduate to deliver a commencement speech at UCLA.

Soon after the commencement announcement in March, Moore set up a Facebook page called "UCLA Students Against James Franco as Commencement Speaker." Hundreds joined, and Moore estimated about 80 percent of them are UCLA students."

What's hysterical is that there's a facebook page of "Students Against UCLA Students Against James Franco as Commencement Speaker".

Now, please... James Franco is just a frickin' hottie if there ever was one... And he sleeps like a baby. Just look at him! This is when he was over the other night.

He had been reading poetry to me and got tired from his busy schedule of filming and acting and being on the receiving end of ignorance from peeps like Erin Less (I mean, Moore). LOOK AT HIM! So sweet... and hot. I should've tea-bagged him right then and there.

Then, I was all, "WAKE UP, BISH!! WAKE UP!! AIN'T NO SLEEPIN' GOIN' ON! DANG!" So, he woke up.

And I slapped a bow-tie around his neck 'cause that's how I roll and prepared his tummy with warm oil. Yes, my arm and hand have become quite graceful and bare of hair and I had my luxurious locks pulled back in a Scrunchie. Why do you ask?

Then after I lit some candles, I was all, "Hold on, James! I needs me some popcorn, bish! Just hold on, baby!" 'Cause I likes popcorn with my menz.

And he was all, "MMMPPPFFFHHHH", 'cause you know, his mouth was taped up. But, I think both you and I KNOW that he was commenting on how hot I am and what a super-porn, rockstar ass I've got going on.

And I'm really reluctant to share these next shots with you because they're so personal to me and James, but I'm going to because I like you guys and well, I just feel like I should share them with you... 'cause again, that's how I roll.

So, the top pics of the following collage are of us at the beach. James had been swimming and then, I went for more popcorn and soda and he was all mad yelling at me with no pants on because he hates it when I leave him. (And just ignore that whole, "James Franco in James Dean" and "James Franco in Sonny" crap... I don't know WHAT that's all about... damn film developers RUINED my collage.)

So, then yeah... The middle left pic is when he was 12 or something and we were playing Legos with his shirt off and then the right middle pic is when he's getting all on top of me and that's when I was a young woman. And then the bottom left pic is of James in the bathroom wondering where all the hair products went and then the middle bottom pic is of my graceful and bare of hair hand with a long thumbnail getting ready to spank James on his tushie from way far back. And then, after I spanked him and he yelled at me, I shut myself in a room sobbing and the bottom right pic is him trying to talk me out... naked.

Well, the students who were against my honey speaking at the commencement, go on to talk about how yes, they're proud of him and it's nothing against him personally, but that he isn't as esteemed as say, "Michelle Obama". And that for the caliber of UCLA, it should be someone of her ranking.

That's quite a message that Erin Moore and her peers are sending out with their "education".

I remember when I was 15 years old. I made a prank phone call with a friend to another friend. I don't remember what I said, or why I said it. I just remember that it really hurt the friend's feelings.

Well, a couple of weeks later, I was at a festival and some big dumb thug came up to me and said, "Come with me. Bruce wants to speak with you..." He was rubbing my neck while we walked as though he were preparing me for a fight. I was scrawny, 15 and scared. I walked with a lump in my throat and on the verge of pissing my pants. He walked me over to where my friend, the victim of my prank phone call was with her boyfriend, "Bruce".

Bruce proceeded to yell at me, while my friend watched. And the guy who was standing behind me held me in place until "Bruce" was finished yelling. A whole group of them looked on and I was humiliated.

I tried to talk to my friend, "Bruce's" girlfriend, but he yelled, "DON'T TALK TO HER! GET OUT OF HERE!!"

So, I walked away completely embarrassed and angry.

I later found a younger cousin of mine at the festival who I used to be quite close with... She's a couple of years younger than I am, and we grew up together. So, while I was 15, she was 13... I told her what happened and how mad I was. And she just calmly said, "Well, how would you feel if you were in their shoes?"

It was a total light bulb moment. A complete, "AAA-HHAAA!" And I've never forgotten it.

It was simple. She talked of the notion of empathizing and she was 13. And more importantly, I listened. Thankfully.

I eventually saw that couple at a party... It was probably a couple of months later. And I apologized to both of them. They accepted and we moved on. But, I never forgot what my cousin said. And now, some 25 years later, I think how difficult true empathy is for people to grasp. But, when empathy is embraced, how unbelievably profound it is... and is nothing short of brilliantly essential in respectful communication, in understanding and true love.

And what a lesson that was... for a student of 15 and a teacher of 13.

I have a feeling that we all have some type of wisdom that we might not often follow ourselves, but can still share nonetheless, no matter what our age. There's a saying that the reason why we have two ears and only one mouth is because we should be listening twice as much as we're talking.

Initially, I understand Erin Moore's reaction and simple reasoning. But, if given the chance, I would've encouraged her to look further. To have more of an open mind... one that real education encourages, instead of talking so much, to maybe listen more.

She actually might learn something.

And then, she'd have something worth saying.

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Tiananmen Square - 20 Years Later

2009-06-04T07:12:00.000-07:00

Watch CBS Videos Online

“We were assured there would be no legal consequences if we opened fire,” Mr. Chen recalled in an interview on Tuesday. “My only hope was that the students would not put up a fight.” - Chen Guang, 37, a Beijing painter, was a soldier in Tiananmen in 1989 has created a series of works based on his photographs of the incident.

Now granted, China hasn't come very far in its stance on Human Rights, given what happened in Tibet last Spring and Summer before their bullshit Olympics. I still can't believe that the World just stood by and said crap like, "Ohh... We can't boycott or anything because that will just hurt the athletes."

Were we going to KILL our athletes in protest? Is THAT what we were going to do?? So... China can just go ahead and MURDER Tibetan monks and nuns and we don't want to upset our athletes??? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? That whole thing was such a crock... Licensed genocide, is what it was...

But, if I can calm my ass down, looking back on other issues, I really never thought I'd see gay marriage legalized in any State. Nor did I think there was a possibility in the near future of the U.S. having a President that was half black and half white, let alone how unbelievably intelligent and logical the man is...

And looking back to even when I was a kid, did you ever really think that the Berlin Wall would come down? Or that the Eastern Bloc countries would fall? OR the Soviet Union for that matter? Now granted, there's a host of other problems with the aftermath of Russia, but still...

Or how about just having a little phone that sits in your hand, that you can type tiny words on, then SEND them into space and they actually go to a place that you want them to... without wires.

And yes, there are a whole other set of issues now, but I think that we should dwell in possibility. I know I'm going to... Or I'm going to try anyway. Because that image of one man standing in front of a line of tanks will get me every time... Every. Time.

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one..." - John Lennon

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Scrunchies Back...

2009-06-04T04:58:00.000-07:00

"I'm bringing Scrunchies back (yeah)
The mothers futhers watch how I attack (yeah)
If that's your girl better watch your back (yeah)
Cause she'll burn it up for me and that's a fact (yeah)"

All this time I thought Justin Timberlake was saying, "SEXY Back".

I had NO idea it was a call for Scrunchies.

If you'd like to sleep through this next round of Scrunchies, or would just like 10 tips for a better night's sleep in general, then please feel free to click here.

Making The Unbearable, Bearable

2009-06-03T16:33:00.001-07:00

So, last Friday night, Will and I went to Cleveland Public Theatre to see a one-woman play.

"Cut to Pieces" is a CPT Original Work written by

CPT Executive Artistic Director Raymond Bobgan and

CPT Education Director Chris Seibert.

"Cut to Pieces is an ambitious theatrical work that integrates live performance and video projections in an affecting solo show. This innovative work begins as a classic "who-done-it" tale and quickly spirals into an epic story of the dismembering power of violence, love, and the quest for self knowledge."

Well, Will and I were invited to the show by the director and co-writer, Raymond Bobgan. I had communicated with Raymond through email when I was inquiring about Cleveland Public Theatre's programs and possibly approaching them with my own material. I was interested to learn more about their mission as a theatre and see if our philosophies coincided.

If you've been reading my work for any length of time, if I've been doing a good enough job, you've probably sifted through the rubble of my zany humor by now and hopefully have realized that my writing and acting comes from the same heart that was a social worker in the past. And actually, I really see no difference. My work now is certainly not mutually exclusive from my prior work experience. If anything, it's built upon it.

My desires and motivations when I was an orderly, a social worker, a Boatswain's Mate in the U.S. Coast Guard, a clinical researcher in Cardiology, a bartender, an instructor for at-risk teenage Latinos in California, all the way to my work at U.C. Santa Barbara, and acting and writing along the way, my own mission has never swayed given the vast array of job titles that I've carried. (my bio)

I've ALWAYS wanted to help people... In whatever way I could. I wanted to ask them how they were doing, then wait for the reply. To let them know I was actually listening to them. That someone was acknowledging them.

Whether they were telling me about how their neighbors pissed them off while I poured them a gin and tonic, or whether they were upset about the texture of their wall paint on their Section 8 housing while I looked through classifieds to try and find them a job, or whether their parents were continually stealing their weed to smoke it for themselves while I was attempting to educate them on STD's and teach them that misogyny isn't cool and domestic violence and jail are only in their future if they make it so, that they actually have other options.

Or whether they just needed their asses wiped. Literally. Because I've done that too... just not as a bartender or a teacher. I was a stripper then, and that was an extra cost.

I really try (the keyword here is "try") to live by this quote:

"Whatever joy there is in this world, all comes from wanting others to be happy; and whatever suffering there is in this world, all comes from wanting oneself to be happy."

- Shantideva (8th century Buddhist poet)

And when I embrace this wisdom, and ingest it, it rings true for me. REALLY true. But, for me... I don't expect others to find the same peace in it as I do.

I don't always remember to follow this philosophy, but when I do, it takes me out of myself and brings me into the moment, joyfully. And the moment is all I have... It's the only thing real.

So, after I wrote to the theatre's website, Raymond wrote back to me. It was an elegant and sincere reply, welcoming me to the wonderful city of Cleveland. It turns out that he's originally from Santa Barbara and his parents still reside there, so we also had that in common.

I was rather stunned that I received such a sincere welcome and impressed that someone took the time. He invited me to the show and to meet to discuss my work as well.

Will and I arrived an embarrassingly 10 minutes late to meet Raymond at the theatre. He was going to give us a quick tour before the show, of the spaces that they have and give me an over-all picture of what Cleveland Public Theatre is all about. Will and I are still learning our way around the city and haven't quite gotten down how long it usually takes to get to certain places. Thus, the 10 minutes late.

Once we arrived, I profusely apologized for our tardiness, but Raymond's demeanor was as gracious as the words in his email. Beth Wood, the Assistant Artistic Director was there as well, and seemed just as kind and welcoming.

Raymond showed us the spaces that they have and talked about their mission and programs and I was invigorated. It echoed songs of my heart. As corny as it sounds, it's true. Our philosophies jibed and I feel as though I've found kindred spirits.

Well, after the tour, we took our seats for the play, "Cut To Pieces", but instead, witnessed magic, as any great art will present.

Chris Seibert and

Raymond Bobgan took us on a sobering journey, but not without the aides of humor, music and film and true artistry that culminated in an evening of brilliant story-telling.

Chris Seibert was very much at home in her portrayal of the characters; and they were distinct and vibrant, yet familiar. Her channeling of them was natural and approachable and her craft, easy to watch. The narrator was strong, yet vulnerable... and was just as surprised by the chain of events as the audience, but not unlike the audience, was better from the outcome.

The topic, dreadful and tragic, yes... But, not without redemption, not without a light at the end of the tunnel... It may have not been a bright light, but there was light. More than enough to see by... And being reluctant passengers on the trip, Ms. Seibert and Mr. Bobgan made the travel arrangements as comfortable as possible given the subject. And really, the only way that the light at the end of a tunnel is so welcoming, is because you had to go through the dark tunnel in the first place. Otherwise, it would just be another light and you really wouldn't know the difference.

This play accomplishes what all inspiring art does... It makes the unbearable, bearable.

The run has been extended now through June 6th.

If you're in the area, I strongly encourage you to go see this play. However, if you don't want to be challenged or taken out of your comfort zone, if you don't wish for some spiritual evolution while being entertained by a dynamic actor, then I would just encourage you to turn on your T.V.

Cleveland Public Theatre

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Great Anticipations

2009-06-03T14:38:00.000-07:00

Reagan Statue Unveiled In U.S. Capitol

(I'm the one with the green neck... fourth from the left.)

This hysterical and unfortunately accurate contribution comes to us from our hottie-pa-tottie correspondent in Chicago, Mark. Thanks, Mark!

I.Love.It.

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If The Tables Were Turned...

2009-06-03T09:30:00.000-07:00

Joe In Vegas sent this to me. Thanks, Joe! I actually hadn't seen this one. So, thank you very much, sir. It made me burst out laughing, "And now you have bastards." And then, it got me a little...verklempt. Talks amongst yourselves...

*New Hampshire Legislature approves gay marriage*

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Gifts Come In All Shapes And Sizes And Sometimes... Piles

2009-06-02T05:09:00.001-07:00

So unfortunately, yesterday, while working in the garden with a shovel (of which I've been doing for 4 days straight... or 4 days gay), I accidentally lopped the head off of our garden Budda. It actually went rolling in the mulch...

When Will returned home from the market, I confessed, albeit reluctantly, that I had knocked the head off of the deity with a shovel. He just looked at me, grabbed the Budh-miester, his head and stormed into the house muttering, "I suppose you enjoy peeing on the Baby Jesus too."

I don't... If you're wondering. I probably would've tea-bagged one of the hot shepherds behind the manger and maybe spanked a wise man or so, but that's a story for another time...

So, Will stormed off to glue Siddhartha's head back on and I fondly remembered an incident from last week...

We have birds.

Cockatiels, to be more precise. I'm not sure if you knew that.

The small flock started out with

this asshole, Evil Betty.

He (yes, HE) was named from the villain, who also happens to be male, from the film "Kung Pow".

Will and I watched this movie years ago when we were extremely... uumm... baked and laughed our asses off. Although, you probably could've just shut the TV off and we still would've laughed as hard.

I acquired "Betty" before I was living with Will. We were dating, but I had my own place then. It was in Santa Barbara and my schedule didn't really allow for dogs, and I was jonesing for a dog.

So, I got a bird.

And I often wish I hadn't.

It's not that I don't like them. I mean, really, what's not to like? They scream really loud and are messy and shit all over the place and occasionally bite you and draw blood. Why, it's just like being married, so what's not to like?

Actually, I have a moral dilemma about humans keeping birds. They have wings to fly and what do we do? We put them in cages... (As we should our spouses.)

Granted, they usually live longer in captivity if they're well cared for, but I believe it goes along the lines of the whole quality verses quantity argument of life. If you're meant to fly, but aren't allowed, but you live twice as long, but in an environment a fraction the size of what your world would have been otherwise, what would you choose?

I mean, being alive and living are two different things, right?

So anyway, I've had this

asshole since he was a chick.

And no, he's technically not an "asshole", I know... But, he can sure act like one. Which usually is a pretty good indication that I'm not paying enough attention to him.

Hhhmmm... Could this be representative of not just birds, but our dogs and cats and maybe even our children acting out when they aren't receiving enough love and support, and maybe even adults as well?

I think that we should IMMEDIATELY start paying more attention to one another. What do you think? Are you with me??

Sorry, just thinking out-loud again and not-so-secretly planning for my days of World domination with unabashed love and compassion... and public spankings.

Okay, so... You've met Evil Betty.

Well, we've acquired a few more along the way.

We adopted two from Will's mom and renamed them;

Inglebird Humpersnip and Celine Dion. (This is not an actual picture of them, but you know, all the feathers are in the right places.) Celine Dion is a diva, yes. But, a reluctant one... He's more bark than bite... Or more chirp than peck. And Inglebird Humpersnip is actually a very sweet little bird who just wants loved.

And then, there's

Cher. And he's a total bitch. If he could turn back time (or rather, TIIIOOHHHMM, IF HE COULD TUURRNN BACK TIIIOOHHMM!", he'd do it just so he could bite me more.

Besides being loud and messy... And the whole moral dilemma (I hope we have a green house one day, where I can just let them fly around to their heart's content, until they bank off a window and snap their necks), I really do love them. Well, love might be kind of strong... But, they are extremely funny. And each one has a unique personality.

And yes, they're all fuckers. But, they're unique fuckers.

I used to take them in the shower with me and they'd all just line up on my ginormous peep and spread their wings to get wet. Thank god there was enough room on it. I probably could've fit another 50 birds with room to spare.

Actually, I did used to take Betty and Cher into the shower, and I'm not sure if I've ever seen anything so truly beautiful as these two little creatures trying to take a bath in the palms of my hands...

But, they preen one another

and try to groom us as well. As you can probably gather, our relationship with them is a love/hate kind of thing.

Well, the other day, I was preparing their food in the Kitchen and

Evil Betty was on my shoulder. Will walked in and Betty started spreading his wings in a loving gesture towards Will (he loves Will. I think he wants to tea-bag him). So, I said, "Will, give him kisses! He LOVES you. Give him kisses..."

So, Will leaned over towards Betty and my shoulder, kind of closing his eyes (big mistake) and going, "Oh, HI Betty! Hi there!" smooch, smooch, smooch. And all of a sudden, Will started gagging, but with his mouth closed and mumbling, "MMMMM!!! MMMMM!!!" And he ran to the sink freaking out, pointing at his own mouth.

I didn't know what the hell happened to him and when I looked at him, he had a pile of bird shit on his lips. He had KISSED a small pile of Betty's SHIT on my shoulder.

He proceeded to freak out over the sink, washing his mouth and face profusely, all the while screaming close-mouthed, "MMMM!!! MMMM!!!", and I thought, Sometimes god works in mysterious ways... and her gifts come in all shapes and sizes and sometimes piles... And I thanked the heavens for their sense of humor.

So, last night as Will stomped into the house with Budda's body in one hand and his severed head in the other, I conjured that recent memory of a pile of bird shit on Will's lips and thought, That's the gift that keeps on giving..., at least for awhile anyway.

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Afternoon Thunderstorm

2009-05-27T15:20:00.000-07:00

I've been painfully missing this for 9 years...

(the beginning of the thunderstorm)

(and the storm begins to intensify...)

(the storm roaring, then settling...)

And while they rolled in, Will, the pups and myself snuggled in and were lulled into an afternoon nap by the sounds of the rain dripping off the leaves of the shrubs and the trees and pouring off the roof-top into the gutters and downspouts. And all the while, the thunder rumbled and rumbled... And it was truly AWESOME.

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2009-05-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

California Approves of Inequality

2009-05-26T10:23:00.000-07:00

California high court upholds hatred and bigotry and ignorance.

So much for Lady Justice being blind-folded for a reason.

Will just walked upstairs from his workshop in the basement. And I was actually weeping here at the Dining Room table...

I didn't expect it to hit me like this... I didn't expect the California Court to go against the grain of its bigoted voters, its stupid citizens, but it just hit me sober. Painfully sober.

And if you've never been marginalized or oppressed, you have no idea how it feels.

You have no fucking idea.

If you did, you would NEVER want anyone to feel left out. Not ever.

Shame on you, California. Shame on you...

** The Courage Campaign

** Would you like a free sticker showing your support for gay marriage?

** PROTEST IN SANTA BARBARA COUNTY TONIGHT **

Dear Friend,

It is with an overwhelming sense of sadness that we learned today that the California Supreme Court has ruled that Proposition 8 - the voter initiative to deny the civil rights of marriage to gay and lesbian taxpayers - has been upheld. Our right to enjoy the full benefits and legal protections afforded by marriage in California - only just recently won - have been taken away by a slim electoral majority. While not entirely unexpected, it is profoundly disappointing that the highest court in California ruled that the right to marry can be taken away from a minority by a simple vote.

We believe this decision to be morally and constitutionally wrong, and will continue to vigorously fight it through all means available to us.

In response to this gross miscarriage of justice, hundreds of community-based organizations throughout California are mobilizing, and organizing a positive, pro-active response. We take great comfort in the millions of Californians - gay, straight, rich, poor, black, brown, white...etc, - who join us in fighting this assault on our - and their - civil rights.

Please join us at any of the following events:

SOUTH COUNTY
- RALLY TONIGHT at 6pm at the S.B. Courthouse (bring signs)
- PROTEST MARCH this Saturday starting at Noon at the S.B. Courthouse (bring water & signs and wear comfortable walking shoes).

NORTH COUNTY
- RALLY TONIGHT at 6pm at the corner of Betteravia and Miller Streets in Santa Maria (bring signs)

Stay Informed

And remember: SILENCE IS COMPLIANCE.

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