Having Your Cake... And Drinking It Too

Fast-growing Western U.S. cities Face Water Crisis

That was a headline on Yahoo! News this morning...

Yes. It's for dumbshits, why do you ask? As though this is news... Has everyone been sleeping?

Even up until this past Summer, right before Will and I left California, I was trying to get our home owners' board to adopt better water standards for our landscaping. There are beautiful native plants that grow just fine there... as they should. But no. Everyone wants fucking grass, which is fine if you've got the water to feed it.

Southern California's climate and terrain are technically that of a desert.

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA IS A DESERT.

People often think warm Summer nights and tropical paradise.

It's not the tropics, bishes.

The only times in Santa Barbara when there would be warm, Summer nights is when the Santa Ana winds would blow and catch your house on fire.

I lived out there for almost 9 years and loved it. However, I didn't love the flip and dense attitude towards guarding natural resources or lack thereof.

To see sprawling golf courses, green lawns and lush palm trees on what is actually classified desert, is truly absurd. It's decadent. And I find it rather disgusting...

If you want to play golf in the desert, fine. Play golf in the desert. Go out there and swing the hell out of your 9-iron in the sand.

You want flowers in the desert? Fine. Plant lavender and rosemary and shit that can tolerate drought. Because that's what you're in.

And actually, there already ARE flowers in the desert. They're probably just not the ones you're used to. Or the ones you want. God forbid we want what we have.

I remember learning a couple of years ago, that there were people in the West that were planning on taping the Great Lakes for their water supply. At the time, Will and I were obviously still living in California, and the thought made us furious that people actually thought that this was a completely rational idea. The thought, that people don't want to live where it rains, but they'd like the water anyway. To water their lawns. To wash their cars. To clean their holes. It made me sick.

I LOVE it out West. I love California. I love New Mexico and Arizona and Utah and Colorado.

I love the way the light changes hues throughout the day on mountain ranges and desert floors. And when there's no pollution or fog, I love the crisp blue sky. I love the arid air and spiced scents of sage and juniper. But, what I don't love is dumbshits who want to make it Connecticut. And then, want someone else to supply their water.

In this month's Architectural Digest, a magazine that I have a love/hate relationship with. Primarily, because I love design and the aesthetic appeal of structures, fabrics, furniture and gardens. Yet, the celebration of the elite always makes me barf in my mouth just a little.

ANYWAY, in this month's issue, there's some real modest ho that says her name means "great creativity of God".


See? Modest, I tell you. I'd like to smack that hat (Sikh turban) clean off her head. And then shove her in her newly planted bushes.

So, she's built some lush, classical gardens in arid, Northern New Mexico. They're stunning, yes... And completely irresponsible. Destructive, in fact.

At one point in the article, it's revealed that she's "Fond of Roman-style bathing pools" and says, “Cold water increases fortitude.” So, your Roman baths increase your strength of character and give you true grit?? Try DOING WITHOUT. Try ADAPTING. Try SACRIFICE to give you FORTITUDE. Sitting your pampered ass in a cold water "Roman" bath doesn't cut it, honey.

She also states that "we have plenty of water! A river runs under the property. We're in a lucky area." As though it's solely hers. That water doesn't go anywhere else. It just lives under her place. And you know what, bish? If that shit was supposed to grow there, it'd grow there.

I know I get a little worked up about stuff like this. But, I'm not going to apologize for calling people on stupid, over-indulgence. If it was only them that it was affecting? That would be something different.

But, it's not.

So, instead of me just bitching here at the dinner table, I should possibly recommend something constructive, yes? If you'd like to find information on sustainable landscaping in your area, please check out Audubon Lifestyles, or this helpful guide from Oregon State University, or the Arbor Day Foundation. And then, there's Fritz Haeg, of course.