Dolly, Whitney, And Me... And How We Should Be? (And A Contest)

Dolly and Burt Reynolds, before... plastic and formaldehyde.




Whitney and Kevin Costner, before... crack and... whack.

(How MUCH did I love her voice before she got all, "BOBBBEEHHHH!!! BOBBBEEEHHH!!!"?? Lots, I tell you... So unfortunate.)


Kevin Charnas performing his famous version of "I Will Always Love You", at Nuunie Teeters Bilbur's crib with umm... microphone with dual action, hyper-speed, g-spot stimulator (something every microphone should have... apparently);

"AANNDD...


IIIIIIIIII eeee IIIII.....




WIILLLLL




AALLLLL



WWAAYYSS




LLOOVVVEEE....




YYOOUUU...UUUU..."


SO romantic, I know... You don't have to say anything. My rendition of this song ALWAYS reduces the audience to tears... You should've seen me at The Lincoln Center last year.

Well, all kidding aside... some kidding aside, I'd like to announce a little contest. Where actual love and commitment is concerned.

Jeff over at Platinum Rings, a new small company, contacted me some time back and asked for some link love. He offered me and Will a pair of Tungsten Rings as payment. But, seeing how we already have our wedding rings (our domestic partnership, civil unionized, butt fuckers forever, whatever the stupid, bigoted majority is calling it this week rings), we don't really need a new pair. So, I thought we'd have a contest, where whoever might be interested, getting married or committed on a budget, could write in to me and either tell us an unusual story of how she or he met their partner, or why they love them, or something special... Something that might make us laugh, or cry, or both...

Something that will leave us feeling better than we did before we read it.

Not, "Yo Kevin, I thinks me and my bitch should have them mutha-futhing, dumb-ass rings, because... well,... because truffually, I likes taping that ass. And I'm broke."

Don't get me wrong. That is lovely in its own regard. Certainly it is. But, I'm looking for a little more.

And not, "Yo Kevin, I also likes to do a reach-around while I'm taping that ba-donk. How's that, bitch? Where's our rings, ho? Don't makes me hurt you."

That too is really quite sweet. But, still not money.

And no, "Looks. I think this shit be stupid. I need them pieces of dookie 'CAUSE I SAID SO, HO!! NOW SEND 'EM MY WAY, BISH!! DANG."

Again, don't get me wrong... Often, being assertive is nice. In fact, I usually encourage it. Not here, not now.

So, if anyone is interested, and I mean ANYONE; straight or gay, this company doesn't discriminate, please write to me and tell me something nice. Something funny or endearing. And I won't divulge who you actually are, but I'd like permission to post the stories or anecdotes. And the winner will receive a pair of Tungsten Rings. You can reach me at kcharnas@yahoo.com

The deadline for the contest is March 31st. Just in time for Spring. And because love should always be in the air...


"Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he should be."

-- Anton Chekhov



***Special Thanks to my best bud Doe for assisting with photo direction. And to Zoran The Magnificent for his stellar photography. Thanks you guys!***