Update

I can't thank you guys enough for your truly kind prayers, comments and emails...I practically broke out in tears over each one...Thank You, Thank You, Thank You...I somehow didn't seem so alone.

Mom's home. At least for a little while.

She ended up having a staph infection in her new knee and had to have it removed. The staph also made its way into her bloodstream, but luckily didn't do any damage to her heart. Thank goodness.

After removing her new knee, they replaced it with an antibiotic infused cement spacer. CEMENT??? It just sounds crazy to me. Crazy and almost barbaric.

She's being treated with antibiotics for the next month, then they'll check for more infection. If all looks good, come mid-April, she'll have a new knee put in all over again.

MID-APRIL.

We keep telling ourselves that it could've been worse. Which it could've been...But the comfort from that is rather fleeting.

She's in a lot of pain and is exhausted. Her wit is still there, just simmering below the surface. And that seems to be a good sign.

During her hospital stay, she kept referring to a Dr. Utz as Dr. Opps. And the best part was that she wasn't doing it on purpose.

While trying to explain a possible medication allergy, she repeatedly told everyone that previously when she was treated with a form of penicillin and went out in the sun, her face "blew up".

I hate when that happens. But, admittedly, I cracked up every time she said it.

I'm tired and numb. I feel detached and kind of on auto-pilot.

I also turned 40 a week ago Friday. And I've never wanted to be 10 years old again more than I do now...

I want to hear my Mom yell at me and say, "STOP SCREAMING!!!"

And I want her to make me a Velveeta sandwich with too much Miracle Whip on it, or an Egg Salad sandwich with bits of shell still in it crunching between my teeth.

I want to skip rocks with her out at the lake, where my Father would be buttoning up the sailboat after a day of sailing, and she would narrowly miss hitting him with the rocks and then break out in uncontrollable giggles while he glared...And she would continue trying to skip more rocks, while every other one would ricochet off the haul of the boat sending her into fits of laughter.

I want her to spray me with the hose in the Summer and then continue to yell at me saying, "STOP SCREAMING, YOU BIG BABY!!"

I want her to encourage me to try new things, like tomatoes and liver, while admitting she hates liver.

I want her to tell me that I can BE and DO anything I want...And that the only one holding me back from greatness is myself and my screaming.

I want her to hunker down next to me and put her arms around me, comforting me from teenage awkwardness and insecurity, telling me, "This too shall pass."

And yes, I'm 40 and 1 week old, and I want my Mommy...more than I can ever say or write because everything is passing way too fast.