"I Kevin, Take You Will, To Be Seven Letters..."

So, finally...FINALLY!!! I'm finally beginning to post some pictures from our wedding. I really am sorry that it's taken me this long. Thank you to those of you who waited it out.

I thought, I'd better just start posting some and work my way through to the gory and bitter end.

Well, as I think I stated somewhere...Will and I decided to do this spontaneously. We decided on a Wednesday evening to have the ceremony on Friday.

You know what? I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, but I'm having a block. I don't know why...That's why I haven't posted yet about this...I just can't seem to blog it out...

I'm just going to start sharing some photos and some commentary (always my favorite part) with you. And hopefully very soon, I can give you more details about how I was feeling, what I was thinking, basically how everything went down.

Until then, here we go...

I was a child bride and we married at the Santa Barbara County Courthouse.


It's one of my favorite spots here in Santa Barbara. And I always take family and friends there when they visit. The views from the clock tower are spectacular in every direction. Mountains and tiled roofs and ocean from seemingly every angle. And it truly is amazing how far you can throw things off of there. Especially beer bottles.



And is THIS the fanciest toilet you've EVER seen in your whole entire life??? It even has a bidet to wash your hole afterward. The unfortunate part is that it's outside. And people often stare. But, it's so fancy, isn't it?


See? Fancy. It's embarrassing when your turds don't sink though.


Okay, onto some hues of stale lunch-meat...Don't say I didn't warn you.


Here's me trying to work out a get-away plan with our great friend, Jim. And Jim's beautiful daughter Nicole.



And then, Will was all, "You ain't goin' nowhere, bish...Until, I SAY SO! Dang...You gots dishes and laundry to do. And babies to pop out! Shhiiittt..." Or something along those lines. The woman behind Will is the incredibly sweet minister that did the deed. (And just between me and you and this whole internets thing, she can work that tongue like nobody's business.)

And proof of our last argument as single men.


The minister wondered what we wanted to refer to one another as in our vows. You know, "I, Kevin, (sniffle, sniffle) take you Will, (sniffle, teardrop, teardrop, snort) to be my lawful-wedded bish." (Sob)

And then, Will would say something like, "I, William, (yawn) take you Kevin, (rolling eyes and pursuing lips) to be my lawful-wedded...hot piece of smokin' rockstar ass." (Throws up in mouth)

We really did start to argue here. I wanted to say, "Bubba", to be my lawful-wedded "Bubba".

And Will was having none of it. He wanted to use "Husband", because of the enormous symbol that it truly represents. (And when I say, enormous, and symbol, you KNOWS that we're talkin' bout my peeper.) He felt like we deserved to refer to one another as husband and we shouldn't take it lightly.


I tried to convince him otherwise. I stated my points and actually, the main point being that I hoped that "Bubba" would keep me laughing. And to be honest with you, I was terrified that "Husband" would crush me and reduce me to tears.

I put up a good fight, but he didn't care...


He won. And I ate shit.



"Husbands" it is then. And we were happy again. And ready to get on with things...

Until we got to the corsage part. Will's mom and sister thought we needed corsages and took it upon themselves to get them. As last minute as it was...


They were simple red roses and perfect. Although, they're never perfect going on, are they?


And Will was getting a little frustrated. While I was growing paler by the minute.


And then apparently I started yelling, "TODAY WOULD BE NICE!"

It's rather amazing how quickly that corsage went up my nose. But, then again, with the size of these nostrils, I guess it's not really that amazing...


And then it was my turn.



And you can tell I didn't do so well, because I believe that those are Will's Mom's hands fixing it. I was ready though..."Now what? Huh? Huh? What do we do now, lady?"

Well, she took that as her cue to start tonguing me all over again, which I thought was slightly inappropriate.

So, we headed outside to actually get married.


And you can see here that the minister was telling me how big her right boob used to be. And Will appears to be looking for the quickest exit.


Here's a clock tower view of the sunken gardens where we married.


It was right under those palm trees in the lower right-hand corner.

Or, more precisely,



under that grouping of trees...It was truly surreal...and one of the most intimate moments of my life. And peeking around the corner, there wasn't just a beautiful ceremony ahead... I was about to be greatly humbled, by seven letters that make up the word husband.