Buck Teeth And Boobless And Triumphant

The Chinese pulled a Mirri-Chong-Vanirri-Chong during the Opening Ceremony


"A "grueling competition" had been waged to choose the performer, but at the last minute the "swap" was made because the seven year old girl simply did not portray the image that the Chinese wanted to convey to the world, she had buck teeth according to the story."

If you missed this, the sweet little girl on the right sang, but basically with a bag over her head. The little asshole on the left was the bag (stand-in, who lip-synced).

Okay, look... I KNOW that this is wrong, but if I were to be honest with you, I would tell you that I have a strong desire to punch the little girl on the left in her face. Just because. I know she's innocent in the matter, but still...Look at her.

And I want to cuddle the little buck-toothed girl on the right and breast-feed her. But, then again, maybe with those teeth, I'll use formula.

And of course, the comments on the article from people who want to do a make-over on Yang Peiyi (the little girl on the right) are fricking priceless:
"The real singer would have been perfectly fine in that red dress, some short pigtails and some blush and lip gloss!" (And breast enhancement)

And another "of course", is that this is nothing new. Audrey Hepburn and Natalie Wood were lip-syncing to someone else's voice a long time ago. But, what bums me out is that this is a little girl. The person who sang a lot of Hollywood's songs (Marni Nixon) for the leading ladies KNEW up-front that's what she was doing. Yang Peiyi didn't know.

So, how the fuck did they explain that to her? "Look Yang. Your voice is golden, but your teeth are jacked. And your bangs are all fucked up too. So, you're out, kid. We're keeping your voice in, cause that's cool and all, and that little precocious asshole, Lin Miaoke, well...she's cute and everything, but she can't sing worth shit. Those are the breaks, kid. Get those teeth fixed, see a surgeon and try some new jugs, then give me a call, okay? NEXT!!"

Speaking of "jugs", how fricking BAD-ASS is Keira Knightley???

Keira Knightley refuses breast enhancement for 'The Duchess'



It's about time some of these actors and models start stepping up and saying, "Yo...That's not me, y'all."

Enough with the air-brushing and digital enhancement.


Although, for "King Arthur" a couple of years ago, she reluctantly let the stills for the movie be enhanced. As you can see...vvvvoooooooppp! (that's them being inflated).



I LOVE IT, that Keira Knightley doesn't have any boobs and doesn't care. There's nothing more attractive and no better accessory than confidence. And I'VE HAD IT, with society telling us AT EVERY AGE, that we're not okay.

I'm done. Cooked. Finished.

At least until this last batch of botox wears off.

So, yeah...I happen to really admire Keira Knightley for stepping up.

However, I'm still a little bitter about her stealing the roll in "The Duchess" from me.

I've been really apprehensive about talking of the whole situation. I'm sure that you read it in the tabloids...And thank you for not rubbing it in my face...It's just so...painful.

My publicist recently sent me the stills from the screen test. And I'd like to share them with you. I think that it will be liberating and help me to get over this whole issue and get on with my life.

I remember when they tried to do a make-over on me. And I just KNEW that the director really wanted Keira, I was supposed to have The Duchess's role, but KEIRA STOLE IT!!! DAMN IT!! Bish...

Anyway, during my first screen test, they just thought I looked too




smart.


And they were like, "Umm...It's not that you're not beautiful, Mr. Charnas, but you look...you just look too...



smart."

I could see what they were saying.

So, we tried losing the glasses and enhancing my cleavage.



That didn't work. Although, I knew that we were getting close.


So, they said, "Let's try some different lighting and maybe... you holding a tea-cup with some tea in it. Let's see if that works. Okay? Maybe THAT will make you look more like The Duchess..."



So, I sat all demure-like and sipped my tea.


It was then that I realized,



that they ruffied me.


Which just made me sexy,



or so I thought.


When in actuality, it just knocked me out.



And they threw my gorgeous ass out behind Paramount Studios to lie on the curb until I slept it off.

So, Yang? If you're reading this, I know how you feel, baby. But, I won't give up if you won't. Don't ever give up, Yang. No matter what they say...

Not ever.