Apologies Accepted

Well, I was rear-ended yesterday on my way home from work. And this time, no booze or porn was involved...Damn it.

The guy in his over-sized truck was driving aggressively on the freeway (surprise) and I really wasn't paying him much attention. Assholes like that used to really piss me off and still occasionally do, but I try to pay them no mind, otherwise I'll be a screaming idiot the entire time I'm on the freeway.

This way, it's just half the time.

So, we both pulled off at the same exit. And then I pulled up to a stop sign and waited to make a right-hand turn with him still behind me. There's a blind spot at that intersection and I was ready to go, but then, there was another car...that appeared from said blind spot.

So, I waited...ironically, to avoid an accident.

And at that very moment, I thought, that jackass is going to think that I already turned and drive right into me...and then he slammed into me. Just like clock-work.

I screamed, "DAMN IT!!". And then, I got out of the car as he was getting out of his truck, fully expecting a fight, I yelled, "NICE GOING!"

Completely disarming me, he exclaimed, "I...AM SO SORRY. IT'S TOTALLY MY FAULT!!" And he meant it. Fully.

I was kind of shocked and wanted to yell. So, I walked around the car and looked at the damage and I asked him if he was okay? He was. He asked if I was okay. I am.

(So, we're dating now.)

I paced back and forth not really knowing what the F to do, so I looked at him and said, "Well, what the F do we do now?"

(So, he took me in his big, strong Latin arms and we started tonguing each other right there.)

I didn't really know who to call...I don't have the numbers to the police in my phone and I dunno, is there an "Operator" anymore? I probably should've called information instead of tying up an emergency line. Well, anyway, I dialed 911 (emergency here in the States) and was immediately put on HOLD.

For 5 minutes. I'm not kidding. I timed it. I just sat there and thought, YOU FUCKERS ARE SO LUCKY THIS ISN'T AN EMERGENCY 'CAUSE I'D BE REALLY PISSED RIGHT NOW IF I WAS DYING AND YOU PUT MY GAY ASS ON HOLD!!!"

HOLD?? That's real nice.

"Hello, 911 Operator... What's that? Your hair is on fire and Osama Bin Laden is standing in your Living Room with your Chihuahua in a choke-hold? Please hold..."

"Hello, 911 Operator... What's that? Slow down, sweety! Now, start from the beginning, you're being shot at in a Nursery School? Are you sure? Sweety, look, how do you expect me to hear you over those gun shots, huh? I know that you're 3, I can hear it in your ridiculous speech patterns. Poopsie? Aren't you a little young to be using the phone? Please hold..." (off phone to another operator) - "Margie, you oughta hear this little asshole talkin' about getting shot at! Me, me, me, MY Lincoln Logs, MY dollies, I'M being shot at...all those 3 year olds are alike. They're SO self-absorbed, Margie."

Anyway, the rest of the story is not that exciting. The poor devil who slammed into me is named Miguel. And he's hot. Which made things a whole lot easier.

Seriously. I'm just pathetic. Before the whole thing was over, I was practically twirling my hair, snapping my gum, blowing on my nails while teetering on my platforms comforting him, "Oh Mickie! It's okay, baby. It's just a stupid-woopid, big ole brute car!! Dumb thing!! They're just ruining the planet anyway!" (turning to the mangled cars) "YOU MUCHO ESTUPIDO CARS!! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!" (turning back to Miguel) "So...Mickie, honey...with your dark eyes and your jet-black hair, tell me more about what life was like in the Marines while I take our clothes off."

And poor Will. The accident only happened about 1 mile from our home. And I had groceries in the trunk. So, Will came down to pick up the groceries while we waited for the police to arrive, and I just handed them off to him like he was the hired help. I barely even looked at him. I looked back at my love, Miguel and whispered, "The gardener..."

Actually, although his being hot didn't hurt the situation, what truly did make things a whole lot easier, was that he was nice. And apologetic. He messed up and he owned it. And we talked like we had just been introduced by a mutual acquaintance, not a car accident.

So, we sat and while we waited for the police officer to have our three-way, we talked. He's a former Marine and was stationed on the East Coast. I talked about being in the Coast Guard and then we talked about the differences in the climate from the East Coast to the West Coast.

He apologized a few times and said that it was nice to meet me, but he was sorry it was like this. I told him it was okay, while I folded our clothes and stacked them in a pile, lit some candles and poured the wine.

I told him that it didn't matter HOW we met, just that we met.

But honestly, we figured everything out and basically shit just happens sometimes. The intersection isn't a great one, so I'm not that surprised.

What was so refreshing though, was that he was humble. He was honest and humble...and sincere...and big and strong...AND A DARK HUNK OF MANZZ LIKE I NEVER SAW ONE!!! dang.

******
Last Friday at work, I really screwed up. I was in a rush and was careless. And I could've blamed the equipment - the camera (I'm a cameraman), or the sound board or the computer, but I didn't. I'm to blame. I wrote an email to my colleagues and the professor telling them exactly what happened and I apologized.

And it was liberating. I didn't crumble and blow away with the wind.

No one died, so in perspective, it wasn't that serious. But, I still messed up. And hopefully I won't ever do that again.

I've also wanted to tell you about a truly humbling experience that I went through in the last couple of years.

A while ago, I wrote some unintentional, yet mean and nasty things about someone that I deeply care about...a family member. It was a severe displacement of my anger and rage that I've felt and continue to deal with, but the fact remained that I greatly hurt a lot of people in my family. And I was (and am still) deeply ashamed.

My anger was ill-focused in an over-zealous story that went too far.

I have since apologized and honestly, truly meant it from the bottom of my spirit. It's a regret that I'll carry with me always.

However, I learned a great deal about myself from that folly. And it wasn't pretty. And to sincerely own my actions, acknowledge them and humble myself before them was good.

Humility is a good thing. And I hope to practice it as often as I can.





Chicago - Hard To Say I'm Sorry (1982)

This brings me back to Ski Club in High School during the 80's. We'd all be on the bus singing our asses off to Chicago. When I found this video, a commenter thought that Peter Cetera was Willem Dafoe, which just cracks my shit up...which actually isn't a very attractive picture is it? Shit laughing? Yuk.

And why didn't anyone ever tell me that Peter Cetera didn't have an upper lip? Does he have one now?