Love Whispers

***These are some of the things that Will has said to me recently.***

To give him too much credit, he was really sick with a sinus infection during most of this dialogue. I said, "most", not "all"... So, he's not off the hook yet.

1. I asked, "Will, do you want another vitamin C?"

He replied, "No, I just took one, bitch."


2. Me, "Will, how many cups of coffee do you put in this coffee maker?"

He replied, "As many as it will hold, bitch."


3. Me, "What is this coffee cup doing in here?"

He replied, "That's a teacup, bitch."


4. I recently had a full beard and was gnawing on Will's arm while he was trying to work on his computer. He finally started screaming, "AAAHHHH!! STOP IT! STOP IT!! THAT FEELS LIKE A VAGINA WITH TEETH IS TRYING TO EAT MY ARM!!"

I don't know how he would know what that would feel like...


5. Then on Friday, something I was wearing got caught in the sliding glass door and pulled a chunk of feathers out.

It wasn't this,


but it was close. And later this week, you'll find out.

So, he says, "That happens to drag queens all the time."

Thanks. Thanks a lot. I suppose that I've earned that comment.

THEN, this morning, after feeling that I had a really restless sleep, I said to Will, "Wow...I dreamt all night long. I feel like I was REALLY active all night!"

And he replied, "Oh you were. You were all over the place. At one point, you had your head over on my pillow with your face practically plastered to mine breathing extremely heavy. You were going, 'AHHAAA-AHHAA-AHHAA' right in my face."

Me, "No, I wasn't."

Will, "Yes, you were. You were going, 'AHHAA-AHHAA-AHHAA' real heavy like. It was awful."

I started yelling, "NO, I WASN'T, WILL!!"

And Will replied, "OH YES YOU WERE! AND LOOK! YOU DROOLED ALL OVER MY PILLOW! LOOK!"

So, I looked at his pillow. And then, I saw a smudge. And I looked at it again. And then, I sniffed it. And it wasn't drool. At least I HOPE not.

It was a smear of dog shit.

Nice.