"UNCLE! UNCLE!!"

This website would like to send a "Shout Out" to one of its loyal readers;

CONGRATULATIONS AND HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MARC!!!

Will and I are sending you and your partner our VERY BEST REGARDS.

Marc and his partner/husband are celebrating 19 YEARS together. And get this, they EVEN work together, which means, they're together A LOT. And they're still together.

Marc writes: "Us two guys have been together for 19 years. We don't impose anything on anyone.

My mother will say to me "Did you send an anniversary card to your older brother?" and I just say to her "Did they send us an anniversary card yet??" As I told her yesterday, we're together 19 years and enjoying every second!"

It's inspiring to any relationship, Marc. Thank you for being a fine example of love and commitment under quiet duress (and often, not-so-quiet) in an unsupporting society.

I don't think that people who don't really contemplate and empathize with others can understand the depth in which others are marginalized in society.

It's easy to not think too much about them precisely because they're "others". They're not you.

When there's a lack of support, of true acknowledgment from our peers, there's a self-degradation that occurs that is rather difficult for me to describe. But, I'm going to try.

It's insidious and venom-like in its silence. It whispers in one's subconscious of insecurity, of less-than, of lower standing, of un-level ground.

I received an email from an old acquaintance back in October in regards to that Halloween party we threw. She wrote, "Kevin! Thank you so much for inviting us. We regret that we won't be able to attend. But, I'm SO happy to see that you and Will are still together!"

Will and I have been together for slightly over 5 years. I say that it's the equivalent to 35 years in "Gay" years.

I know that her sentiments were sincere and that she didn't mean anything reckless about her statement. But, nonetheless, it DID strike me as a reminder that our relationship is marginalized.

We're not expected to survive or persevere. We're not taken seriously.

Would you ever say to a married couple, "I'm SO happy to see that you two are still together!"??

Maybe with the high divorce rate, some would. But, I wouldn't. I wouldn't dream of it. When I see friends or family get married, I'm not bitter enough to think that it's going to end someday. I think the contrary and I act as such. I have faith that they'll be together always.

Am I naive? No. Just hopeful.

When I was talking with a niece the other day on the phone about our pending visit over the holidays, she asked "Is Will coming?" Not "Uncle" Will, just "Will". And again, she asked with affection and sincerity. But, it's a marginalization in my own family.

If I were "married" to a woman and recognized as such by society, my nephews and nieces would no doubt refer to my partner as "Aunt". And more importantly, my siblings would instruct them to do so.

A couple of months ago, Will and I were in San Francisco. We spent the day in Golden Gate Park and then headed to an old restaurant that Will used to frequent when he lived there, that was over by Haight and Ashbury.

The restaurant is no longer there, so we headed a few streets over to The Castro to find another place to eat.

At first I didn't care about going to the Castro. I felt like I could take it or leave it. But, the funny thing was that once we were there, I seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

I felt an invisible weight and restraint lift from my spirit and I felt free.

Did I run down the street rubbing my balls on all the buildings?

No. But damn it, I thought about it.

I did something a little more low-key;

Will and I actually held hands. And it was okay to do so. I'm not a huge fan of public displays of affection. But, we NEVER hold hands in public. And even though I don't feel like it's a big deficit, it IS a deficit.

Like the "Separate but Equal" doctrine from the 1896 case of Plessy v Ferguson, our standing under the law remains separate and unequal.

And even with friends and family, our same-sex relationships remain marginalized. And I am unknowingly reminded of it often.

I say, "unknowingly" because it would crush me if my exclusion in my own family were meant with purpose.

Our dear friends Dor and Jim have their children call us; "Uncle Kev" and "Uncle Will". And our hearts soar when they do so. It's an acknowledgment, a simple one. But, I can never fully describe to you how profound it is to me.

All I can say is that the simple things that they do, like acknowledge our anniversary with a card of support and love, and acknowledgement of Will's Birthday and calling him "Uncle", well...my gratitude goes beyond words...into the realm of tears.



Mavis Staples; "Eyes on the Prize". Sing it, Mavis. Sing it like it's never been sung.