Peeling Out...and Up
I was talking with one of my best buds the other day and he was filling me in on something that happened to him AT WORK recently. So, I thought that I should share it with you...like I tend to do.
We'll call him...umm...let's see...How about "Bam-Bam"? Because he didn't call me back this weekend, so he sucks right now and seeing how this is MY blog, I'm going to call his stank ass (you'll see how appropriate that term is) "Bam-Bam".
He's just lucky that I'm not using his real name.
I should establish that "Bam-Bam" is VERY particular with his appearance, and his whole "hair/moisturizer/fluff/pluck/sand-blast-his-ass-clean" kind of thing.
He is extremely well-groomed.
Well, "Bam-Bam" was at work the other day. He was in a meeting with his boss. We'll call her...umm...let's see...How about "Pebbles"? Bam-Bam was in a meeting with his boss Pebbles. And everytime Bam-Bam crossed his legs, or altered his position in his chair, Pebbles would crinkle her nose and brow slightly unpleasantly.
This went on during their meeting with one another, Bam-Bam would cross and uncross his legs and Pebbles would grimace.
When finally, Pebbles had had enough and spoke up; "Bam-Bam, what is going on? Everytime you move, I smell shit. Did you step in it?"
Bam-Bam was outraged; "I DO NOT have shit on my shoes!" Checking as he said this.
And Pebbles continued; "Well then, I don't think you wiped your ass, because everytime you move and cross your legs, I smell shit."
Even more mortified, Bam-Bam explained his disciplined regimen; "PEBBLES! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I BRING WET-WIPES WITH ME TO WORK TO WIPE MY ASS CLEAN!! THERE IS NO WAY, THAT I HAVE SHIT IN MY CRACK!!"
Bam-Bam couldn't smell it himself, but to his misfortuned co-workers he continued to smell like shit for the remainder of the day.
When Bam-Bam arrived home after work, he took a look at his stank crack in the mirror and sure enough,
he had unfortunately done a bit more than peel-out...
His usual morning shit had been a little more tumultuous in its path and had actually sprayed up his lower back.
He had DRIED SHIT on himself...LOTS of it.
Stumble It!
posted by Kevin Charnas | 10:21 AM
14 Comments:
i'd like to thank you for this story, because now i don't want to eat ever.
I... how... how... I ... how ... do you get shit up your back? Was he standing? ... wtf....
Oh. My. God.
Showers all around!
Oh my god. I just spit my dinner across the screen. Yeah, I was eating when I read this. Key word in that sentence is "was".
Ew. Um... Ew.
You know, that story is one of those nightmare stories. Except in my nightmares it happens in slow motion...
I often complain about my bloodhound nose that lets me smell horrible cologne at 50 paces. But one thing that my sensitive nose would NOT let me do is to leave the house with shit on my back. Ejole!
I can't get past the word "pebbles" in association with this post. And any post you do about feces will always make me think of the awesome "shitting through a wig" post.
I would die.
How could he not FEEL it all crusty up his back?? Kevin, this made me ready for a big big breakfast, thank you. xoxoxo
Oh my, I dont think I would have shared it with her the next day! :)
Does he wear a diaper? Cause I remember when Fa wore diapers and shit in them...it would ride up her back...
I remember having meetings like that in the 'work force'...Damn I miss those.
you guys...I actually woke up at 5 a.m. thinking about those pics I posted in regards to this story and they made me sick... so, i deleted them.
my apologies. they were a bit more graphic then necessary...after all, i'm pretty sure that we all came to our own visual interpretation of this event, no?
hehehe...reminds me of the time your pooch decided to wipe his ass on you at the beach.
oh. my. gosh.
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