Dear Baby Jesus, Please Tell Santa...
There was a time when I was jittery with anticipation over the approach of Christmas undoubtedly because of the toys. I can look back and see the progression of my desires change with my age from Matchbox cars and fire trucks, to Legos, to a new 10-Speed bike, to a Walkman cassette player, eventually to a Kayak, another new bike, fire menz and even some binoculars to look at them with.
Well, eventually I have watched the degradation of those wishes morph into a desire for patio furniture, new towels, cookware and apparently...appliances. I'm not ashamed to admit it. And when it boils down to it, I don't really need anything. I feel very fortunate for my life and my home with Will and our dogs. And we have more than enough stuff.
But, as I am a reluctant consumer, I am still a consumer nonetheless. So, there are a few things that I'd like.
As I was washing the dishes the other day, it dawned on me that I'd like a toaster oven. Nothing really fancy, just a toaster oven. So, I yelled to Will in his studio, "BOO-BOO?? IF YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT TO GET ME FOR CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR, YOU CAN GET ME A TOASTER OVEN! OKAY?"
And he replied a little perplexed, "A TOASTER OVEN??"
And I yelled back, "YES! A TOASTER OVEN!! BUT, IT'S REALLY NO BIG DEAL IF YOU FORGET."
So, later that night as Will and I were lying in bed reading before going to sleep, he asked me, "Why do you want a toaster oven?"
And I replied, "Because they say it's better to use a toaster oven than a microwave."
And he asked, "Who's 'THEY'?"
And I paused for a moment thinking, then replied, "God."
And he smirked then inquired again, "OOOOhhhhhh...God thinks it's better, huh?"
And I said, "Yes. Well, actually...it's the Baby Jesus, he LOVES toaster ovens. He doesn't like his shit microwaved."
And Will commanded, "A toaster oven it is then."
And we resumed our reading.
AND BABY JESUS'S DADDY SAID UNTO THEE,
"LET THERE BE LIGHT...AND TOASTER OVENS!!!....BECAUSE THE BABY JESUS LOVES THEM..."
I mean, that's basically what happened, right? First we had "Light", now we have toaster ovens. See? It's true.
Stumble It!
posted by Kevin Charnas | 3:16 PM
21 Comments:
Dude....I would DIE without my toaster oven. I do have a microwave, but I rarely use it. It makes everything look and taste like rubber. Except soup.
The Baby Jesus would want you to have a toaster oven.
Bossy's husband is all about the Toaster Oven. But Bossy sticks by her grandfather's toaster from the 1950s because it's as big as a Buick and just as shiny and can toast absolutely *nothing*, especially bagels.
It's true. I heard the Baby Jesus declare it himself. But, I think it was light, firemenz and then toaster ovens.
We could all chip in and have you a toaster oven by Wednesday.
We dont have toaster ovens in the uk ... I was most bemused by the one in our apartment when we went to Florida last year. It looked like it was from about 1950 though .... and made brilliant toast.
Wasnt so good for smores (again, had no idea what they were but Will & Grace seemed to like them so felt a need to find out)
We have a toaster oven as well but really only use it when we need to "toast" something ~ Id die without my microwave though.
I JUST asked K to fix the front porch for me for Christmas (because the baby jeebus said so.)
Toaster ovens are awesome.
You can make:
baby waffles,
baby pizzas,
baby pigs in a blanket,
all sorts of baby sized foods that I'm sure the sweet baby Jesus would adore.
Mmmmm - and what will be the first thing you will toast?
But rubber soup, that part sounds interesting.
There are two kinds of people in this world. Those that know what to do with a toaster oven. And those who don't. I'm in the latter category.
Why do you need a toaster oven?
If you need to toast something... why not use the damn toaster?
Sorry, Baby Jesus, you may like 'em but I've got no use.
Jesus loves the shit out of some poptarts in a toaster over. Good call, you're a holy man.
A couple of years ago, when money was a little tight, Christmas came and went, my parents gave me a necklace and I was happy. A few days after New Year's my mother called to see how I liked the toaster oven. Huh?
She and my dad had bought me a toaster for Christmas, but left it in the trunk of their car. Happy New Year toaster!
And then baby Jesus was happy, cause I could make things in my new toaster.
From my deep and unabiding relationship with Baby Jesus, I believe Baby Jesus likes the toaster over convection oven as it uses less electricity and cooks evenly. Baby Jesus is all about even cooking.
Baby Jesus looked around and found you a brand new Michael Graves-Targhez toaster oven--IN MY GARAGE. Baby Jesus' little arms can't fly it over to you just yet, so we'll have to make more conventional arrangements re: its delivery into your waiting arms.
Does this mean it'll like, make a piece of toast or a bagel or poptart or something with an image of the Baby Jesus burnt into it that you can take on tour or sell on e-bay and make a shit-load of money off of?
Or maybe it'll just make fucking good toast.
Me, I just want the SPACE for a fucking toaster oven.
Hear me, BJ?
WWJD? Make Bagel Bites.
Jesus Claus brought me vacum cleaner several years ago. It was shiny and red.
I WISH I had counter space for a toaster oven. That's what I'm going to ask Santa for this year. More counter space.
I love the way your brain works, dude.
I have a toaster oven, but it sucks ass. Everything is either cold or burned to a crisp. There is no in between. The baby Jesus must not have blessed *all* toaster ovens.
I love my toaster oven. Some foods just need an oven ya know. Microwaves can only get you so far.
Can't. Breathe. Too. Funny. Oh my Lord, maybe it's best we don't live near each other. Because I am totally gonna steal this and work it in to every conversation I can think of. "Because the Baby Jesus told me so". And I'm the minister's daughter so it just might be priceless.
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home