David the Firefly

I imagine that it's probably time to tell you what this ego-destroying costume was all about.



And what you can't see clearly here was the best part. A round apparatus that was purchased at Ikea by the director and took on the new task of being my ass...with a battery operated light inside it that I could turn off and on at will causing my rear to glow.

Here is a slightly better shot of the junk on my trunk.



It looks as though I'm going to drop one at any moment while I'm signing this autograph: "Dear Sally, Thanks so much for coming to the show! Best Wishes! Your pal, David the Firefly. P.S. Sorry about the smell, I just did a dookie in my tights."

In most children's theater companies, no one is doing it for the money. But rather for the love of it. And afterwards, when you go outside to thank the kids for coming, pose for pictures and sign autographs, that's where the payment really comes in. As does hearing the laughter and screams when they're watching the performance. The screams are hysterical, especially when you're throwing lit firecrackers out at them. I know, I know, it's against fire code. But, it just adds a little something, don't you think? A little...Je ne sais quoi.



"I'm sorry, Sweety...Did that firecracker land in your Mommy's over-permed, dried out, rat's nest she calls hair? No? Well, it should have."




"Oh, pumpkin! Who taught you how to catch firecrackers??? It's good that you threw it at your teacher when you did! Well...not good for her..."




"HEY! The firecrackers were NOT my idea. Okay...maybe they were. It depends, who's asking?"




"Next time, just stop, drop and roll. I thought that they would've taught you that by now."




"Damn it, that was fun. I've never seen people run and scream like that before."




"Look, you crazy little fuckers are just lucky that we weren't tossing M-80's."

So, I've worked in Children's Theater in the past. It's been a while, unfortunately. And if I could make a living at it, I would do it in a heart beat. They're the most real, honest and appreciative audience I've ever performed for.

And if they don't like you, you'll know about it.



And you just hope that they don't send Barbie up on stage.


'Cause that plastic asshole will think nothing of taking the whole place with her. It's allll about Barbie and her accessories.

A few years ago (yes, only a few), I worked on a production that was called "David and the Giant". It was an adapted version of the biblical story of David and Goliath. We were bugs. Psychedelic bugs. The giant was a praying mantis and David was a firefly. And I had the role of David.

Besides the humbling costume, the play was great fun.

David the Firefly left his home to take supplies to his brothers out on the battlefield and came across all kinds of new bugs along the way that he never knew existed. He celebrated their diversity and tried to help whenever he could. He helped a rolly-polly (a pill bug) with her shyness and helped a dispute between an earthworm and a butterfly. And basically, his motto was, "You gotta let your little light shine, all of the time, for others to see..."

He sang this quite often and talked about letting your light shine in darkness and helping others whenever you can and blah, blah, blah.

Well, then a Chem-Lawn truck came along and sprayed the whole joint down and killed everyone and poisoned the water and the play was over.

Oh sorry...that's the apocalyptic version that's playing in front yards across America right now.

It really was a sweet play. David was the hero (obviously) and he let his light shine as much as he could, especially in the face of adversity. And I would of course demonstrate this by turning the light on in the junk that was hanging from my trunk and all the kids would love it.

I never farted while the light was on, 'cause you know...there might have been combustion. So, I just had to hold it. Because basically, with eating oatmeal and flaxseed and drinking Aloe Vera juice as much as I do, I'm farting 24/7. Who needed a battery-powered light? All I needed was a book of matches.

Well, during this one performance, we were near the end of the play and David was just off stage-left, down in the audience listening to the Giant Praying Mantis (that was on stilts) bellowing out his intimidation on stage. David then conjures up his courage and runs up on stage where he tries to rally the troops to fight the Giant. No one will. So, David decides that he's going to take him on.

Well, right before David was to run up onto the stage, he was intently listening to the Giant's words and all of a sudden, just to the left of me was a, "PPSSSTTT! PPSSSSSTTTT!" I turned to look and found a little girl near me in the front row. Her brow was furrowed and she was standing up out of her seat and she slightly trembled. She was worried. She had her hands cupped around her mouth and when our eyes met, she said with every ounce of courage she had, the determination of a giant welling up in herself, she whispered, "DON'T FORGET TO TURN ON YOUR LIGHT! AND BBEEEEE CAREFUL!!"

I lost my breath for a moment, my eyes dampened and my heart almost bust its seams. A smile stretched wide across my face and I thanked her as my eyes started to water and I turned my light on early for her. I ran up on stage and tried to deliver those lines as though they were the most important of my life. I felt such a surge of inspiration well up in me that someone little, with a really enormous heart believed in David. That she believed in good triumphing over oppression. That she believed in his light.

That she BELIEVED.

In time, she'll probably forget about David the Firefly. But I hope that somewhere tucked inside of her memory, tucked inside that fierce spirit of hers, that she remembers to believe, to hope, to turn her light on and to be careful.

I'm certain that she has no idea what a gift she gave to me that day. She believed. And it made me believe as well.

So, if things start to get a little dark, if adversity is creeping up on you or staring you in the face, remember the echo of that big hero's voice wrapped in the form of that fantastic little girl:

"DON'T FORGET TO TURN YOUR LIGHT ON!

AND BEEE CAREFUL!!!"

And I'll do the same.