Good Rord, Righten Up Arready...

BEIJING (AP) -- Along with spitting, run-down housing and bad manners, add unintelligible English to the list of things organizers of the 2008 Beijing Olympics want to ban.

So, it's bad enough that Beijing is going to wipe out the Hutong, rather than restore them to ensure proper living conditions for people. Economics are in their sights, rather than anything true with integrity or deep with historical character. And I really don't see why you can't have both. But no, go ahead and tear down history and put up something new and hideous.



Will and I were lucky enough to walk through these ancient dwellings a few years ago (he took the above and below pictures). And we immediately felt transported back centuries in the middle of a modern city. Being in the middle of the Hutong was beautiful, peaceful, invigorating and utterly enlightening. I highly doubt that whatever they put in its place will have the same effect.



Now, the spitting thing. So the Chinese spit a lot. I'm not fond of it. I know, call me crazy. But it's their prerogative, they can do what they want to do (thank you Bobby Brown, I'll never be able to say that sentence without thinking of your stupid fucking song that I used to lip-sync and dance my ass off to in 1988.). And bad manners are relative. But to take away the fun of unintelligible English??? HERRO??? IS ANYONE RISTENING???

Can we arr just righten the fuck up, prease?

The word is out in China: Speak better English

It's CHINA. They're not suppose to speak "better Engrish", we're suppose to speak better Chinese.

These are some of the examples that they want to rob us of:

A store selling tobacco products advertises: "An Excellent Winding Smoke."

On the floor at Beijing's Capital Airport, a sign reads: "Careful Landslip Attention Security."

On a billboard, this mysterious message: "Shangri-La is in you mind, but your Buffalo is not."

In an elevator, parents are warned: "Please lead your child to tare the life."

I remember years ago when I was in Hong Kong, the Chinese referred to white people with light eyes as ghosts. Because we were so light. They had a game where they'd pretend that they could walk through these "ghosts". Which of course, they couldn't. It resulted into them running square into white people who happened to have blue or green eyes. I learned to put my shoulder down a little when I'd see one of these people approaching who wanted to walk through me. I'd put my shoulder down and when they made contact I'd put a little something extra into it so that they'd spin completely around. I ain't no ghost, bitch.

But this view of me never made me feel inferior. It didn't even piss me off. Oh sure, I didn't like being run into, that's why I put my shoulder into it. But, they're view of me didn't compromise how I feel about myself. Should it have? I imagine that I looked quite different to them. I should have. My ancestors evolved on a different side of the planet than theirs did and that's okay. They looked quite different to me as well. And they should have.





Even when Will and I were in Tiananmen Square, the amount of attention I received was unbelievable. They were literally gathering around me and taking pictures with me as the center piece. I don't think that being naked really had anything to do with it. But it may have. They had probably never seen such a big wang before. Oh sure, they knew plenty of "Wangs", but those were people, not penises. Okay, bad joke. Anyway, I asked Will if maybe they thought I was someone else? Well, it turned out that a lot of the people there were visiting from the countryside and hadn't seen many westerners before. I was a novelty. They stared at my blue eyes in wonder and giggled to each other. And it was really quite an extraordinary experience. Especially once I began throwing lit fire crackers at them.

But I have a question to ask. Since when are our differences not allowed to be laughed at? Differences in peoples and culture is celebrated in so many ways through art, literature, dance, music and theater. But it shouldn't be in comedy? Societies are taking themselves WAYYYY TOO SERIOUSLY these days.

If anyone thinks that no one makes fun of English speaking people making an attempt at other languages and customs, they're wrong. Just recently in Paris, Will and I tried our best to learn their customs and use our French. I'm sure we slaughtered it and the French giggled, but not anymore than we would giggle if someone were motioning with their right hand while referring to taking a left, which I did. I mixed up my "left" and "right" while asking for directions. It was funny. And it was okay. I was still breathing after fucking it up. It didn't mean that I was less of a person. It means I struggled with a language barrier. But, at least I tried. And I truly believe that they appreciated the effort.

To ignore our differences here in our own society is just as ridiculous. In fact, over-political correctness is racist in its own regard. To pretend that differences don't exist and to NOT acknowledge comedy in that difference is insinuating that if one DOES acknowledge it, than they're saying that the difference in what is "perceived" to be the proper is superior. While the "improper" difference is inferior.

Difference does NOT equate to inferiority. I celebrate our differences all the time by making fun of them. They're funny. I do a whole slew of various accents with my characters and the characters in my play. And if you think that my comedic references to our differences is implying that I think that people different than myself are inferior, than maybe you should check out your own base of your own perceptions.

Awaiting Xtasy talks of this often. She lives in Mississippi and doesn't speak in "proper English". It doesn't mean that she's stupid, quite the contrary. If you're paying attention to what she's saying, rather than how she's saying it, you'll see it quite clearly.

What happened to "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? Even with that idiot Anus, or Imus, or whatever the fuck his name is. Yeah, what he said was stupid and bullshit. And now he's been fired - the consequences of his hurtful, wreckless speech. But, his statements say much more about who he is rather than who those women are. Why give his statements any validity that comes with attention? Those women of that basketball team and their parents and their friends know that they're not "nappy-headed hos". Just because someone says it doesn't make it true.

Homosexual jokes and the wide use of the phrase "that's gay" (to denote something bad), or the words "fag" and "dike" are still some of the most acceptable jokes in our society. If we don't give them power, they won't have it.

I remember one time I was at the beach and I was naked. Literally. (And I mean it, this time.) And some homeless dude was staring at me when I yelled out for him to take a fucking picture. He yelled back, "FAGGOT!". I burst out laughing and hollered back, "YEAH...I AM. IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT FOR ME? THAT'S ALL YOU CAN THINK OF??? BRING IT, BITCH. I THINK THAT YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN CALLING ME A NAME THAT I'M REALLY FAMILIAR WITH..."

He couldn't. I took his power. I owned my words. And he owned his.

I think that people forget that what we say reveals much more about the person saying it, than the person that they're saying it about. And if we're secure enough in ourselves, we know what's true and what's not. We'd better beware of how much we try and regulate people's speech, because we may just have to fight all over again to regain that basic human right.

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best; "No one takes advantage of us without our consent."

And the same is true for taking responsibility of our own perceptions of others' words and actions. No one can affect us unless we let them. And as hard as it is to apply that to our daily lives, it's true.

So, ret's arr just chirr out, okay?