It doesn't matter who they think you are. It matters who you think you are.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Where They Don't Wear Underpants


But, they do wear slingshots.

A little while back I was telling Will that I had hoped that through our example and some stories that I post here, that people will see how really ordinary our relationship is.

This was his reply: "PAINFULLY ordinary."

And I crinkled my nose and started to scowl and said, "I didn't say "painfully" ordinary."

And he retorted, "I know...I did...just now."

Thanks, Will...Thanks a lot.

Well, this half of a "PAINFULLY" ordinary couple has surprised the other half with a trip, to Paris.

So, for the next week, we shall be peeing off towers.


And entering immensely fantastic structures while loudly attempting to speak the language that will no doubt sound like this; "HO-HEE-HO-HEE-HO-HEE-HO-HEE-HO!!!" Thank you, Catherine Tate. And they will fart in our general direction.



And we will be stumbling drunk across many bridges while searching for ketchup to pour upon all our food.



And our voices will raise over the City of Light in unison, "Garcon! Je voudrais une bouteille de vin!" And they shall bring us their wine and spit into our food. But, the ketchup shall cover it up.



And there's a very good chance that we'll be strongly resembling Pats and Eddy. Except that our hair will be shorter. And we probably won't wear lipstick while wine tasting...maybe lip gloss.




And to name just a few of the things that make me want to rip off my clothes and giggle like a school girl, besides Rob Lowe's bouncing bulge, it's singing in French or Italian.



So, here's Petula Clark singing "This Is My Song". And there go my clothes.

And Will, I'm sorry that I have a difficult time staying awake past 9:30. And I'm sorry that I throw temper tantrums over what I consider to be weak story lines in movies. And I'm sorry that I insist that you stop what you're doing and watch me perform (or recite) something new (or not-so-new) that I've come up with that happens to be completely mad. But, I just wanted to let you know that I find our relationship ANYTHING but ordinary. In fact, I happen to find it extraordinary. And thankfully, it's floored me since we've met.


***This blog is on hiatus until the end of the month.***

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52 Comments:

Anonymous Dormama said...

I hope you two have the most amazing, fantastic, wonderful, fabulous, enlightening, spiritual, romantic week of your lives! Enjoy....EVERY SECOND!!!....And remember to "take it all in!" Lots and lots and lots of love to you both!

4:04 PM  
Anonymous Chaos Control said...

Jealous ... of the trip and the extraordinary relationship.

Can't wait to hear the wonderful stories! Enjoy ...

4:20 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

I'm so JEALOUS!!! You're going to have such a great time. But don't forget to bring the A-1 steak sauce and the Coca Cola along with your ketchup.

5:06 PM  
Blogger brendan said...

FAB-U-LOUS!

Have a wonderful time... my jealousy knows no BOUNDS!

5:23 PM  
Blogger Becky said...

I hope you guys have an awesome time! Gay Pair-ree, Wee-Wee!! ;o)

5:47 PM  
Blogger Oh, The Joys said...

When they ask you to speak French, just say: NO FRANCY!

6:11 PM  
Blogger amyerj said...

Absolutely Fabulous dear, I hope you boys have a wonderful time. I'm going to miss you... two whole weeks without your wit?

6:30 PM  
Blogger Sayre said...

You romantic devil, you! So, what did Will say when you sprung this on him? Did he take it back????

So go. Go to Paris and have a drink for me on the 25th (it's my birthday!). Then piss it off the Eifel Tower and laugh uproariously!

7:13 PM  
Anonymous wordgirl said...

I'm just thrilled that things are going so well between the two of you that visiting towers on your trip involves peeing off of them...rather than jumping like the rest of us feel like doing.

Bon Voyage!

7:56 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

Have a great time! And I love that one of you did this for the other one! ;)

8:23 PM  
Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

I admit that I may have emitted a sound that was suspiciously like "Awwwwww" over your last paragraph. I'm not saying that I did, but... I Might Have.

What an absolutely beautiful thing for you to have done. I'm so happy for you both.

Bon voyage and hold the ketchup.

9:25 PM  
Blogger Marmite Breath said...

Oh, Kevin. (I sounded like the Mom in Home Alone just then).
I hope you both have a fantastic time, and eat lots of great food. God, even your mentioning Catherine Tate just cracked me up. Please don't say hee-ho to them or I will die laughing.
Be safe. Be ordinary. Be adequite. (Sorry, I all of a sudden thought of stupid Lindsay Lohan and her Be Adequite rubbish).
Shutting up now.

10:00 PM  
Blogger awaiting said...

I can't lie....I can't even muster a comment as I am CRACKING the heck UP over your Kevinifer Kanniston pics in your side bar!!!

Its like watching MAD TV!!

And I ain't got cable....allow my tail to relish in your beauty for a while!!

10:57 PM  
Blogger karrie said...

Also, big jugs of peanut butter for your pain and a copy of "Madeline" in case you can get her autograph.

Have a great time!

2:09 AM  
Anonymous canarygirl said...

Have a fabulous time! Enjoy every sight sound and delight that you encounter. :) And have fun peeing off of the monuments! HAHA! :)

2:28 AM  
Anonymous drunkenspaniel said...

At least the girl in the picture is petite and had nice skin. You almost don't mind seeing the thong. We get to see this here at home in Essex, but quite a lot of the women weigh about 250lbs, and have huge, flabby backsides - so the thong looks like its cutting a big white lump of cheese. Nasty!!

2:42 AM  
Blogger mommiebear2 said...

Have a great time, and take lots of pics!!!! :)

6:20 AM  
Anonymous Plain Jane Mom said...

Congratulations, you asshole, on getting to go to my favorite city in the world!

Oh, and stand in the middle of a crowded area and yell "HI SAM!" for me. My sister (Samantha) lives in Paris and I miss her!

What a wonderful surprise -- yer a lucky guy.

7:27 AM  
Blogger furiousBall said...

See I just saw Spamalot last weekend, so I think of all the French as the "I fart in your general direction" type. Bring a wooden rabbit.

Have a great time!

7:37 AM  
Blogger mamatulip said...

Ugh. Blogger hates me. My comment just got eaten.

Um, what was I saying? I'm green over here, with envy...and probably boogers too.

Now, Kevin. I'm Canadian, which means that I should have a good command of the French language, seeing as I live in a bi-lingual nation. However...I can't speak a lick of French, unless you get the hankerin' for some Micky D's. I do know how to say most of the McDonald's menu in French. And I'm damn proud of that, baby.

8:50 AM  
Blogger EmmaK said...

You are such a romantic....what a beautiful gesture. Have a blast you sexy French beast!!

9:17 AM  
Blogger Domestic Chicky said...

Well, color me a beautiful apple green because I am beyond jealous you are going to Paris. Are you going to stay at the Paris Hilton? Does the Paris Hilton have any openings? I think the Paris Hilton has a reputaion. You might want to avoid the Paris Hilton...

Have a blast! Kiss the tower for me (eiffel, that is)

10:58 AM  
Blogger Jhianna said...

Fantastic! I hope you two have a great time!! (and yep, a little jealous)

11:03 AM  
Blogger Open Grove Claudia said...

I'M SO JEALOUS... I'M SO JEALOUS...

I love Paris. I hope some day to live there full time. In the meantime, I'll wish for a good cup of espresso and a bagette.

Enjoy!

Why wouldn't your relationship be normal???

12:00 PM  
Blogger The Brian said...

We all wallow in our painfully mundane existence until you get back. Orf whar!

12:33 PM  
Blogger Pendullum said...

So incredibly happy for you Kevinand for Will he must be just floating to have given such a wonderful gift...
Have da most delightful time... and I am solooking forward to reading of your wonderful, glorious adventures!!!
Je t'aimes beaucoup!

4:17 PM  
Blogger Stepping Over the Junk said...

I wish I knew where this gorgeous quaint little restaurant is in Paris that I went to about a decade ago...it was so fabulous, you actually felt like you were in the French countryside, the food was more "country" than "Paris". If you dont settle for the mainstream places, you will find some treasures! Go where the French go!

Enjoy! Looking forward to stories of your return!

4:54 AM  
Anonymous Jenny said...

I miss you already, mon ami.

If you find yourself stranded in the French country-side with nothing to eat and only table tennis to play give me call. Bubbles and I can be right there.

10:26 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

I find it amazing that you are surprising him with this trip. What a lucky man he is. YOu know I find it so very difficult to believe that he would find your relationship ordinary, or that anyone would for that matter.

You seem to me that nothing in your life is ordinary, everything is extrememly exciting and fun, or maybe you just find the fun in the ordinary and point it out, I don't know but I love being able to catch glimpses of it!

7:03 AM  
Blogger Lisa Fine Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

Oh man, have a great time. Can't wait to hear about it...

Lisa

12:10 PM  
Blogger awaiting said...

Ohhhh I am so freaking goshdabnabbithoolabalula jealous!

Eat a beignet for me!

And I dare you to put on your best french accent and say "Ahhh, mon frar frar frar...frar frar, ma cherie!"

Have fun!

7:58 PM  
Blogger Andie D. said...

Absolutely FABulous post Kevin!

Hope you and your extraordinary Will have a fantastic time in Paris! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! Sidewalk cafes. Eiffel Tower. Notre Dame. The Louvre. Cruises under bridges where they say it's good luck to kiss under each one. Strange food, incredible wine, eat, drink, take lots of pictures!

Then tell us ALL ABOUT IT!

8:26 PM  
Blogger Attila The Mom said...

I hope you guys have a wonderful time!!

xox

6:31 AM  
Blogger Becky said...

aw have a great time and post lots of pics when yall get back!

10:58 AM  
Anonymous Moobs said...

You poor fool. Why fly all the way across the Atlantic and end up in France?

Be smart get on the Eurostar and P and I will dine you in London

3:56 PM  
Blogger Samantha said...

I hope you both have a fantastic time!

12:58 PM  
Blogger carrie said...

Oh, I am so happy for you both. I know you will enjoy France, even though they don't like ketchup (it is kinda like asking for sour cream in Mexico -- let me know how it goes).

Can't wait to hear from you when you're back and rested. Have a GLORIOUS time Kevin and Will!!!! :)

3:41 PM  
Blogger mcewen said...

lucky you, but a week! Please, you have to go for a fortnight to make the jet lag worthwhile.
As long as you try and speak the language, they'll forgive you for being an American!
Cheers dears

3:13 PM  
Blogger Queen of the Mayhem said...

I hope you two have a wonderful time! If you drink enough, it will not matter if they like you or not!

Paris......DEFINITELY not ordinary!

6:42 PM  
Blogger Superstar said...

what beautiful photos!
You are so lucky to have gone...
There is nothing
NOTHING ordinary about you!
Let alone you and will! ;o)
~blows kisses~
Smoches

3:17 PM  
Blogger Lotta said...

Swoon! I hope you have a great trip and are rarely in your underpants!

8:13 PM  
Blogger sweatpantsmom said...

Have fun! And have a Croques Monsieur smothered in Heinz for me.

2:53 PM  
Blogger Terri said...

Awww... I hope you have a great time...
I'm green w/ envy!

3:41 PM  
Blogger Nikki said...

HAVE FUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!

Figures....I finally get your page to load and you're gone...damn it.

9:29 AM  
Blogger Mamma said...

I'm so relieved to find out you're on vacation. This happened while I was on vacation so I've been home a week and thinking you just didn't love me anymore. Yes, it's taken me this long to get through all the posts I missed.

You guys are so amazing!! What a wonderful relationship and what a wonderful trip.

Hope you had an incredible time!!!

SWAFK (those are french kisses)

9:00 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Kennedy said...

Dude, I can't believe you missed all the fun! They paved the parking lot! And you were in Paris? Pfft.

9:03 AM  
Blogger Catherine said...

Bon Voyage, Mon Ami!!

Waiting, baited breath and all, for a detailed report on your fabulous journey.

8:54 PM  
Blogger Beccy said...

Oh you lucky thing, have a fab time.

1:48 AM  
Blogger Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

Have fun! I hope you have the best trip ever.

4:04 AM  
Anonymous CrankMama said...

You lucky wee childless fuckers!
That woman has a choice ass.

Hmmm... maybe I AM bi-

Fuck!

10:53 AM  
Blogger Pendullum said...

I am just dropping by to let you know I am thinking of you...
Looking forward to reading all about the City of Love!!!

6:07 AM  
Blogger Ruth Dynamite said...

Hope you're having an incredible time!

4:06 PM  

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