Don't Try This Recipe...

So, yesterday I was on campus at work for 12 hours. When I'm at work for that long, invariably, a healthy diet gets tossed.

For lunch, I had 2 big pieces of "Mexican" pizza. It was lathered in refried beans, tomatoes and other yummie explosive material.

Then, when I arrived home at 10pm, Will had dinner waiting for me, which consisted of 3 chili dogs and 2 apples. Can you see where this is going?

Then, this morning as I was rushing out the door, I had my usual 2 rather large cups of coffee. I also snuck in a glass of Aloe Vera juice. Not the wisest decision you say? Well, you're right. I almost shit my pants on the way to work. No. I mean it.

I mean, really...2 pieces of Mexican pizza, 3 chili dogs, 2 apples, 2 cups of coffee and a glass of ALOE VERA JUICE???

I should've just shoved a bomb up my ass, drank a pint of nitroglycerin, then sat on a lit cigarette. It would've had the same effect.

So, as if running out the door without having the time to drop one...or ten, wasn't bad enough, I ended up having to WAIT for a neighbor who had pulled out of her garage and was lollygagging, trying to manually close her garage door while holding a BOWL OF CEREAL.

Then, she teetered back to her car getting into the DRIVER'S SEAT, while trying not to spill her breakfast.

I've done a lot of stupid things while driving, which I shouldn't have. But, it has never, NEVER occurred to me to try eating CEREAL.

Well, while she was listening to the "snap, crackle, pop" of her cereal and trying to keep it in the bowl, I was listening to the "snap, crackle, pop" of something else, trying to keep it in my hole.

And a bathroom wasn't in sight for at least another half hour.

So, basically what I'm saying is that I broke the sound barrier (in more ways than one) on the way to work and since I've been here, my morning has been visible from space.