Vanity Fair - The Silver Edition
DAMN IT!!!
I can't believe it.
Actually, I can...
I just don't want to.
This is bullshit.
I'm pissed.
And humbled.
And am ready to retaliate.
And I'm going to cut this thing down,
RIGHT AT THE ROOT!
I want to grow old gracefully. I do.
I don't want to have plastic surgery or botox.
Even though my forehead is clearly branded with a road map from WAY too much contemplation.
I'm not vain.
Yes, I am.
No, I'm not.
Maybe a little...
But damn it to hell.
I just found a silver pube.
*Note that I referred to it as "silver", not gray. As if my pubes can actually be distinguished. Can they? I'm thinking, no...but maybe...if I say so.
***I had written this quite a while ago, unfortunately that means that the culprit (bastard) is not so recent in its arrival. After I had written it, I consulted Will on whether I should post it or not. He replied with, "Well, do you really want people to know that your pubes have started to go gray?"
"Silver", I replied, "It's silver."
"Whatever, SILVER, excuse me...Do you really want to tell people that you have a SILVER pube?" He asked.
I tried to rationalize, "Well, I tell them just about everything else."
He replied, "Yeah, but these are your pubes we're talking about."
As though they're a sacred topic. And then I remembered that it's not really out of the ordinary for me to have broached a topic of pubic hair before, actually numerous times. Anyway, I had put this confession away and forgot about it. Then I read another confession of another blogger. And I realized that at least I'm in good company. Because when I read that Mrs. Chicky had one too? I suddenly felt better.
See? There IS a silver lining to everything. Sometimes we just have to look a little bit harder to find it. And when we're talking about something "little", we're talkin' bout the hair, mmm-kay?"
Stumble It!
posted by Kevin Charnas | 10:50 AM
40 Comments:
Am I really the first one to comment?!?! Wheee!
Hey, congrats on the silver pube; it's a sign of (genital) maturity. You know, I can almost remember when it dawned on me that people went gray *everywhere.* I'm still shocked.
(Is that a picture of steel wool? LOL)
I'm so glad I could help you feel better about your recent departure from youth and your downward spiral toward old age. And I feel like I can now call you an old coot because we're in this together.
We'll be a pair of Silver Foxes, 'kay?
I was completely and totally shocked when I found my first silver hair ... and it was a pube. WTF? Who knew? THEN - my second silver hair was the eyebrow. I still, to this day, don't have a silver hair on my head ... just my eyebrows and pubes. Strange. Very strange. And probably a bit more than you wanted to know about me, but hey - you brought it up.
I think silver is a lovely setting for... um, things.
I'm just a young wee thing, I never knew you could get silver pubes till now-thanks Kevin!
Actually I never even thought about it before.
I did find my first and second grey hair (on my head) recently but I think from now on they'll be called silver, much more dignified!
At least they're not ginger. I mean strawberry blond ...
Hmmmmmm...my first time to comment here and I'm talking about my pubic hair - or yours.
You just convinced me to avoid knowing when I get one by sticking to my current hair style.
Can you dye it?
Well, look at all the amazing men who look soooooooo much sexier now that they've added a little distinguished silver. (Sean Connery, anyone? Although with him, it's so much also the voice. oooooh, baby)
Perhaps if you look at it more as having that....area....suddenly awarded a silver medal for performance? mk
~smacks hand on head~
Seriously???
"do the cutains match the drapes" comes to my mind?!?!?! LOL ;o)
BAWAAAHHHAAAA!
Seriously?? they go grey too???
~shakes head~
What is next???
And I said the same thing to Chicky...THAT'S why I Brazilian!!!!
Go for it...
This post has been removed by the author.
When faced with the same realization I did what any young at heart woman would do--I simply wiped the slate clean.
Another thought though...
With maturity comes skillz, mad skillz.
Gosh... I never thought!! Hummmmmm.
Well.. when it is my time ... I think they'll be "executive blonde".
Become one with the silver strand. EMBRACE your silverdom.
You have arrived, my dear!
Did you see the Sex and the City when Samantha found a gray pube... "No one wants to fuck Grandma's pussy..." So she went bald.
Which is my plan when the gray starts to travel south.
Now I'm just left wondering about how long it takes for the grays to migrate.... ask not for whom the bell tolls!
At least it is silver --- silver is WAY better than gray :-)
Lllllllllllllloooooovely. lovely lovely lovely.
Well, not that I've found a silver pube or anything (yet), but....
Awhile back I was running my hand over my cheek (the one on my face) and felt something. It was a hair.
I pulled that sucker out and it was over an inch long!
I have no freaking idea how I could have missed this! I mean, it wasn't hiding in a thatch of face hair or it's not like I don't look in the mirror when I put my makeup on.
How in the hell did it get there, and grow so long so fast? Was it overnight?
Now I'm askeered of mutant face hairs.
Granted, all your pictures have been pg-13. But I'm willing to put down money that if someone was looking at your nether regions, your pubes would not be where the eye was drawn.
Wonder mom ---- Brazillian is so 1990's .. get yourself a Hollywood hun!
Kevin - fear not sweetness. Dan & i have been spotting them for a while too! I get them in the beard and one random one on my left eyebrow too.
How distinguished!
100 Words--What's wrong with being all gingery down below?
How did Mrs. Chicky's pube get... oops. That's not what happened. Heh.
dude, now you're balls will have a distinguished look. you can have an executive ball-do
why stop at silver? why not platinum?
This reminded me of a Sex in the City episode where Samantha found a grey hair "down there" and decided hair dye was the solution.
I now feel better about the couple of silvers I have found on my head! Thanks!!
I wasn't freaked when I found silver on my head - that started when I was 24 (just one white patch back then). But yeah, that first one you find down south is just a really, really big shock. So I took the same route as Mamma and Samantha, out of sight, out of mind.
Ooh err!, I'm a saint... should I be smiling? Heads for the exit with her hand over her eyes.
'Oh bugger, who put that door there'
This is why I stick with hardwoods instead of shag.
Silver pubes are the new black.
I have always been a sucker for a silver fox..
Lisa
Can you color hair in that area? Luckily for you, men tend to look more distinguished when they acquire the "salt and pepper" look. Then again, I am not quite sure that pubic hair could look distinguished! I am going to have to contemplate that thought.
By the way, I am all about cosmetic surgery....I have an inner trophy wife who is DYING to get out! Once my disposable income increases...I am going to be SO HOT! :)
Better 'silver' than bald :D
if i could actually *get* to my pubes right now below this post-preg stomach, i'd be rummaging furiously (theeeeere's an image for you).
i heard that pube loss comes next. receding, then loss.
Oh my - very inspired by this one.
1-Samantha went Bozo red first (trying to dye), then shaved.
2-What's a Hollywood?
3-I noticed my first silver (ON MY HEAD) three years ago - and sat mesmerized at the mirror for 30 minutes while my girlfriend was waiting on the roof for something I was sent inside to get. Ya, we're not together anymore.
Poor baby - I don't know if I'll have the courage to post when I get my own. I'd like to skip the gray part and go straight to the losing it part. Save a lot of money on waxes. =)
silver lining... hahahahaha!
Please...Please do not tell me you are thinking of dying your pubes? Greciane Formula For Men???
Now, all I am going to think of is a dye job gone terribly wrong,,, and that image in my mind is... is... Welll... Just not right!!!!
What? It isn't normal conversation to talk about pubic hair? You mean not everyone talks about pubes among friends? If it makes you feel better, my pubes have started traveling down my thighs. Now that's depressing! I see laser hair removal in my future.
YOU GUYS ARE KILLING ME WITH THESE COMMENTS!!! Honestly, I've been bursting out laughing with these...Thank you...
I'm sorry that I haven't been around more, it's been a tough week. But these comments are GOLD!
And just for the record, so far, it was only one "silver" pube and it's gone. I cut it. There won't be any dye jobs, nor waxing...I'm afraid that if I waxed my balls...well, I don't know what the hell would happen. They'd probably get stretched out like 4 or 5 feet or something terrible like that.
So not nearly as exciting as waking up with your first few as a
Silver. Much better than Gray.
There's something sexy about a penis that looks like it could grade my term paper. Get Professor Peni some glasses and a tweed jacket with leather elbow patches. Oh and a pipe.
Totally hot.
When I got my first few grays--make that silvers--ON MY HEAD, I yanked 'em out. It hurt a whole lot less than finding them in the first place. If I spot any South, I'm yankin' those, too. Forget waxing (although I do that), forget scissors, tweezin' is the way to go (you need a rifle approach, not a shotgun).
That's funny...I just used a gun analogy like I know what I'm talkin' about...
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