5 Characters' Attributes, + 2 Honorary Mentions

This meme is SO overdue. Please forgive me, Mel... Melanie in Orygun tagged me with this quite a while ago, but I didn't forget. I just postponed it greatly.

I would make SUCH a good living as a procrastinator. Why can't there be careers where people could go into other people's homes and show them how to be a good procrastinator, huh? Can you tell me why not? Because really, there is nothing like procrastinating. And most of the "stuff" that we think we just CAN'T procrastinate on is bullshit. If you died tomorrow, I hightly doubt you'd be thinking, "Oh shit...I didn't wash those windows." Or, "Damn it, those hubcaps were just SO DIRTY, they're going to think I was a filthy pig."

And you're probably right, we are going to think that you were a filthy pig and we're going to talk all kinds of smack about you, but you'll be dead, so you most likely won't care. And if you do, then something is probably wrong and you should speak with a manager right away.

Speaking of being dead, I should commence with this meme before I am.

If I remember correctly, I was supposed to list 5 TV characters that had a profound affect on me. Mel, am I right? I hope so, 'cause that's what you're getting my sister, from another mister.

Here we go: The Perils of Nyoka


Now, The Perils of Nyoka, later named Nyoka and The Tigermen, which sounds kind of kinky I know, was the bomb. My Mom watched this at the theaters when she was a kid. Nyoka, played by Kay Aldrige, was always on death's door at the end of each episode. Mom says that they were so scared, they'd run all the way home and couldn't wait for the next episode. Well, we got the whole collection years ago and I've seen them all. And yes, it's a little cheesy, but let me tell you, this bitch kicks serious infidel ass.



"Ah! Ah! Ah! Zowie! You INFIDEL! Hands off my boobies, you jackass! Ooo...Mamma kinda likes. Ah! Ah!"



"Stick 'em up, fucker! And...TAKE THOSE CLOTHES OFF WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!!" (Just look at her, you know that's what she was thinking...Or maybe that's what he was thinking.)



"Damn it! Not the quickly lowering ceiling with all the really, really pointy spikes again!" Yes, I'm afraid so Nyoka. It's in your contract.

What I really liked about Nyoka though, is that it was filmed in 1942. The early years of WWII and women were having to step up into roles that have since changed the face of American society. Nyoka was a strong kick-ass kind of gal. She always persevered and was always better for the near-death experience. It was just another ordinary day for her that she had just been tied up and was standing on a pile of wood ready to be set ablaze. I have a feeling that traffic wouldn't bother her.


Another show that stuck with me was Good Times.


It was about this urban family living in the projects on the south side of Chicago. But, it really wasn't JJ's signature, "Dyn-O-mite!!!" that had any influence over me. I usually just wanted to punch him square in the face. There were two other characters that I greatly admired.


Florida and James Evans (played by: Esther Rolle and John Amos). They worked their asses off trying to raise hard working, conscientious kids in a tough situation. But as I remember it, it never seemed out of the ordinary to me. Not that I grew up in the hood, but rather that many of the issues that they dealt with were universal to all families. And they dealt with some heavy shit, but it was always delivered with a comic tone. It pretty much followed that notion of, "If you're going to tell people the truth, you'd better make 'em laugh."


There was great love in that family. But hard work and diligence were never far from that love, but rather woven in with the same fabric that makes up all worth while relationships.

Now, another show that always got me in a tizzy, I used to watch with my sister on Sunday mornings. See? We were heathens. Don't tell Father Tom, instead of attending Sunday Mass, we were busy watching Bonanza and THE BIG VALLEY!! YYYEEE--HHAWWWW...Amen. Maybe the Baby Jesus wasn't thrilled about it, but we didn't have VCR's or TiVo back then. So, church was the sacrifice.



Here is where we need to mention a couple of *Honorary Members* of the characters that had great influence over me. These two didn't so much inspire me, but rather...umm...rather...confused me.


Lee Majors when he played Heath Barkley in Big Valley. Holy smokes. He along with


Linda Evans, she played his half-sister Audra. The two of them just about blew my 7 year old pants off. I knew that I was in trouble when I was hot for both of them. I wanted to be in a Big Valley sex sandwich with Audra AND Heath.



Now, when I was looking for photos of Linda Evans, I came across this in the search. I may be reaching on this one, tell me if I am, but I'm pretty sure that this isn't Linda Evans. If it is, well...things have sure changed for her.


Just look at them? They're gorgeous. Audra, Heath, actually the whole lot of 'em. I just wanted to smack Heath unconscious and grab Audra by the hair and drag them both out behind the stables.


Now this bitch was the shiz. Barbara Stanwyck. She played their Mother and the matriarch of the Barkleys. She was VICTORIA Barkley. And holy shit could this Ho throw down. She'd get smacked in her face and go flying and land in a pile of hay or manure or something similiar, then come up swinging. No one fucked with Victoria. And if they did, they didn't for long.



I wanted to rip this little fucker's feathers out. "BEEP! BEEP!" I hated this asshole.


Now this guy, this guy has stayed with me and will be with me until I'm senile. And even then, I'll probably be mumbling about him while I'm uncontrollably pissing my pants. It really wasn't his follies that I remember. It wasn't that he was always getting screwed,


or crunched,


or blown up,


or more blown up,



or smashed.

But rather something he NEVER did that I remember. Something that ALL of these characters NEVER did that unite them all in my admiration.


They never,


ever,


never,


gave up.