RECENT QUOTATIONS IN MY LIFE
From our friend Jane: “I can’t believe that Jennifer Tilly gave me the stink eye throughout the entire evening! She was such a bitch.”
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A frantic phone message I received from our friend Giselle: “KEVIN! I’M TRYING TO PICK OUT SOME LINGERIE AND A NEW VIBRATOR! I NEED YOUR ADVICE! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN I NEED YOU??? DAMN IT!!”
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From our friend Jen: “Oh yeah! She BREAST FED her youngest until he was 4 ½! Now he’s 6 and he still sleeps with them! And trust me, her reasons for doing this are NOT healthy. She’s a total whack job.”
My response: “Oh man…her boobs are probably so stretched out, she can probably breast feed kids around the corner. She can probably breast feed people in ANOTHER ROOM!”
Jen: “YEAH!”
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Me: “Will, it was so disturbing…she kept rubbing her vagina on the fence and poor Sam was just standing there not knowing what to do. He looked scared.”
Will: “I know. She sniffed my balls this morning, then turned around and her vagina began winking at me. It was awful.”
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A stranger asks me: “What’s that you’re taking?”
Me: “It’s my birth control pill.”
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Me: “Will, there was literally a white FLAG that had ‘Suck Cock' scrolled in big black letters along with a picture drawn of a penis and balls on it...Will...it was actually fluttering in the breeze, like it was an advertisement.”
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Our friend Molly recollecting a college friend: “She broke her vibrator after 3 months!! 3 months!! I asked her if she checked the batteries and she said, yes. She was certain that she broke it.”
The response from our friend ‘The Baron’ – Molly’s fiancé: “I’m glad that I dated you and not her.”
Stumble It!
posted by Kevin Charnas | 10:02 PM
14 Comments:
Alternate Title: Things, I can't believe people actually said.
I love it.
Bahahahaha! I love these!
So let me get this straight. You're very knowledgable in vibrators AND lingerie? Dare I ask? Nah, nevermind. It would only confuse me more.
Janet - you're right, I think that's a better title.
Attila - HHAA!! Thought you might. thanks. :)
Christina - Actually, I'm not and was just confused as you are. I never did find out just WHAT she wanted my opinion on...battery powered verses gas powered? I dunno.
lol a day in the life of kevin huh?
love 'em all, ya knew i would, again topics near and dear to my heart, penis's,breasts with vibrators! LMAO!
m
By the way, did you feel that? I just tagged your ass, not unlike the wildlife people do to stray animals. =)
Soooo, Kevin. Can we assume that the ball-sniffing, vagina-rubbing-on-fence being is a dog?
God, i hope so.
Hahahaha, too dam funny.
You are so silly.
Becky - at least it was spread out over a couple of weeks. :)
Molly - I KNEW you'd love it, I knew it!
Christina - I'm coming to Michigan and you're so getting it, sister.
HeartSF - a horse.
Melissa - thank you, glad that you liked it.
Jessica - NO! YOU'RE SILLY!
Um...I think that's just Jennifer Tilly's face. I had a similar encounter a couple of years ago...lol-It's like a perma-sneer.
I'm now waiting patiently for the Vibrator 101 post...
I love this! Jennifer Tilly is hot, I love her!
I misread that last part- I thought your friend's broken/spent vibrator was named The Baron.
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