Keebler Kev

I was asked to be on a Public Announcement about HIV/AIDS awareness about a year and half ago. I was trying to volunteer more often and had worked at a food bank on occasion, but really felt like I should be doing more. So, when I was asked, I was more than happy to oblige. I had some unexpected feelings arise and you can read about them here.

Well, for a year and a half, I had never seen the PA. Friends, family and neighbors would tell me that they saw it on this channel or that channel. I’d ask if it looked professional and they always said yes. No one was going to say; “Hey! I saw you on TV last night and you looked like crap! Dude…why’d you look so bad?” Or “Oh my god…I saw you on TV the other day and well…don’t quit your day job.” Of course, everyone was complimentary.

The PA has been airing a lot lately because the AIDS Walk is coming up this weekend here in Santa Barbara. So again, more friends, family and neighbors are telling me that they’ve seen it and it looks “great”.

Well, a couple of nights ago, Will and I were watching a little bit of TV and low and behold, there it is. In all its glory, there it was; dramatic, somber and informative. Will began proclaiming, “THERE YOU ARE, BUBBA! THERE YOU ARE!” And yes, there I was…and I looked like an elf. I fucking looked like AN ELF!

I watched helplessly in horror as my ears looked as though they merged into illuminated points. I didn’t hear a thing that my image was saying as I got up from the couch in disgust, I ignored myself on the television screen. I actually walked out on myself. And as I was saying on the TV, “most of this population in Santa Barbara County are not aware of their HIV/AIDS status” I stormed into the kitchen and said, “I look like an elf.”

And Will said with affection; “THERE YOU ARE, BUBBA!!”

And I repeated, “I look like an elf.”

And Will continued very sweetly, “I just saw my Bubba on TV!”

And I lamented, “I look like an elf.”

And Will said, “Ohhh…I just saw my Bubba on TV.”

And I said again, “I look like a fucking elf and you aren’t telling me otherwise.”

And Will said, “Oh, Bubba…”

And I said, “SEE? You aren’t debating the issue. I LOOK LIKE AN ELF!”

Well, yesterday, a friend emailed to say that she saw the PA and loved it. I replied that we had seen it too and that I looked like an elf. SHE DIDN’T NEGATE IT EITHER! She replied, “No, well...you’re a cute elf. Maybe Santa is looking for help.” Thanks a whole fucking lot. Did I mention that she is no longer my friend?

THEN, I saw a neighbor who yelled over to me that she saw the PA numerous times. I hollered back, “Yeah, we saw it too and I looked like an elf!” And she yelled, “WHAT???”

And I hollered louder, “WE SAW IT TOO AND I LOOKED LIKE AN ELF!!”

And she yelled back, “NO! WELL...YOU’RE A CUTE ELF! AND CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!!”

SHE DIDN’T NEGATE IT EITHER!!! In fact, she said exactly what my other friend said. And each of them, in their own way added their encouragement that the Christmas season was approaching, so maybe I could find work??

So, Will and I were having dinner last night and I told him what the friend and neighbor both said. He laughed, as did I. But then I said, “Will, you never said that I DIDN’T look like an elf.”

And he replied, “It’s not your fault.”

And I said, “WHAT? WHAT’S NOT MY FAULT???”

And he continued, “It was the lighting, it was bad lighting…it made the tips of your ears glow.”

SEE??? I wait a year and a half to see this Public Announcement; Santa Barbara County has already been watching it for the last 18 months. And I look like an elf. No one has said otherwise, in fact, they’ve confirmed it. An elf just informed the public about HIV/AIDS and I was that elf. I guess it’s better than looking like a troll or a warlock informing the public about scabies.