The Big Picture
Okay, now you don't have to like Madonna. And I know that she's done crazy things with her pussy. And with her tongue. And with her hair. And with her fingers. And with her bustiers. And with her eye make-up. And her boobs. And she's never been quiet about anything...except her farts. She usually doesn't say very much about those. They speak for themselves. However...
Malawi has at least 900,000 orphans, many of whom are infected with HIV. 900,000!!! Truly...try to grasp that number for a moment...and that's just Malawi. Madonna would like to adopt one. And would also like to give $3 million to help these children. I'm sure that $3 million isn't a lot to her, but it is to them. And 59 human rights groups are up in arms trying to stop her, because Malawi only adopts to residents of Malawi and it looks as though Madonna may get special treatment. I'm sorry, regardless of what you think of her, she IS TRYING TO HELP and sometimes... people really need to look at the MUCH BIGGER PICTURE. 900,000. Nine Hundred Thousand. That's larger than the population of San Francisco.
Stumble It!
posted by Kevin Charnas | 12:05 PM
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25 Comments:
I see your point, but I'm having trouble with it, personally.
I've been jumping through the hoops for over 14 months now, and there is no end in sight for our wait for a child.
It's selfish of me, yes.
I hope he gets more that just nanny attention - and I'm sure his future is brighter....
but my heart still feels it's unfair to those of us who've worked the process and are in it for the long haul.
Holly - I can't imagine...honestly. I know that once Will and I start adoption proceedings, we're in for a really rude awakening. And I am truly, truly sorry that SO, SO many worthy couples have to go through such tribulations to finally give a child a good home. And you're right, I hope that he does get more than just nanny attention - although, maybe nanny attention would be better than Madonna, I don't know. It's not that I'm a big fan of her's, because I'm not. I'm just glad that more and more attention is being paid to adopting and that she's giving money to a worthy cause. Even though $3 million isn't really a stretch for her.
But anyway, I am sorry. I can only try to understand your true frustrations. Know that I do think of you often and am still sending good thoughts your way.
Okay, I don't have a problem with Madonna adopting this kid, apart from the fact that he has A FATHER who cannot afford to support him. Wouldn't it have been more humanitarian to give the father money to support the child, surely a drop in the ocean in terms of her finances. And then she could have adopted a GENUINE orphan.
She should have just gone for getting a dog at the dog pound. You know what would be GREAT??? I know women who can't have kids and would like to adopt but dont have the money to take care of the process, whether it be in the states or out of the country (airfare and whatever costs incrue). What I think is that these celebrities that are adopting, should FUND adoptions for folks who want children and cant adopt for financial reasons. My friend adopted a little boy and it cost her 45k in legal fees etc...there you go. That's what i think. Madonna is fertile, she can have more of her own.
The other thing is that we really have no clue how long she's been trying to adopt. When Meg Ryan adopted from CHina, people were all over her, saying she's taken the easy way out. Turns out, she has been in the process for two years when she finally adopted her daughter.
What I can't believe is that Malawi does so few international adoptions, prefering the kids to sit in orphanages instead of going to good homes.
Kevin, I'm with you, she's not my favorite, but she should be allowed to adopt that little boy.
HOWEVER a child gets into a loving, stable and healthy home is ALWAYS a good thing. Who are we to criticize this? We don't know Madonna (although at age 12, I sure wish I did). I don't care if a country is bending the rules (rules that aren't very helpful to a nation of HIV+ children), I do care that a child will be given the opportunity for health and stability. And if this boys father is willing to give him up so easily, than what does that say about him? I know, there are circumstances beyond my comprehension, but he is not an infant in a world that will not accept him - from my understanding. We shouldn't be talking amack about Madonna, if we are so outraged about this, than maybe we should do something - write a letter, speak out, get educated about this worldwide problem and what you can do about it on your level. Kids everywhere should be given the opportunity to be adopted by parents who want them.
Having a biological child just because you can is the stupidest reason I have ever heard for not adopting. And have you noticed Madonna's age recently? Odds are not that great after 40. Just my 2 cents.
Thanks for a thought-provoking post!
ps. I hope that the wait is soon over for all those going through a long international adoption. Crossing my fingers for all of you! :)
You are seriously going to try and adopt! No way!!!!!!!!! Oh, how I feel sorry for the child . . . . . . . . . . . . .
On the one hand I think good luck to the nipper. Living in London has got to be better than living in Malawi. On the other hand she is bound to want to spend her time reading him her tedious works of children's literature and it is hard to wish that on anyone.
OK. Adoption mom in waiting all riled up over here. Whether Malawi should open up for international adoption is a separate issue. (Personally with their record numbers of children, I think it would be wise.) I think Madonna's donating money is a wonderful thing. I know it's not the only time she's donated large sums of money and that's admirable.
But the issue is that Malawi is closed to international adoption. Her money and star status are buying an opportunity that no average Joe with a good home and good heart (but a an average pocketbook) could be a part of. She's thwarting the system and it's an affront to all of us that have struggled and fought and cried and screamed and pinched and saved through every piece red tape and bullshit thrown at us in our quests to be parents. It's shameful and hurtful that she feels it's right to just cut through what everyone else can't through because she has the name and funds to make it happen.
I have no issue with her wanting to adopt if it's for pure reasons. But she's using her clout in the wrong way. Everything about it makes me raw with anger.
Margaret - I do completely see your point. And when I wrote the post, I was thinking of you and Holly and some friends who've had to jump through hoops and wait, and wait, and wait, and spend lots and lots of money...and still be left childless. And I'm honestly sorry that you have to go through it. One day, we will have to as well.
Everyone here; Emma, Stpping Ovr, Melissa, Carrie and Moobs (so, so true about her literature - HA!) make VERY valid points. I am glad that the issue of breaking the boundaries of inter-ethnic adoptions is happening.
What I wrote to Emma earlier, was why, out of all the countries that DO allow international adoption, why did Madonna have to pick a country that doesn't? There are so many that do, why didn't she just go there? But maybe, (and I might be giving her too much credit here) she's trying to shed light on Malawi's stringent and backward policies. I don't know, I'm just kind of thinking out loud...trying to find the positive in it.
Hi Teri! :)
I'm sorry to go off on you so, Kevin. You know I think you're awesome. The whole thing just strikes a nerve with me. I lost my son because of corruption and red tape. And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that if I had been able to afford to refurnish Vladimir's orphanage with new bathrooms (which is what that bitch of a orphanage director wanted) I would have my son with me now. But on top of the tens of thousands I had already spent, there was nothing left to give. I lost my son because of a fucking bathroom. So Madonna's millions really rub me the wrong way.
I'm glad you and Will don't live in Florida... we have the most screwed up gay adoption laws here!
It's perfectly fine for a gay man or a gay couple to be foster parents and provide a loving and safe home for the abused and unwanted children (and get some money for it as well), but as soon as someone tries to formalize their bond and adopt, people get all up in arms over it.
It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Makes me ashamed to be from here. A loving home is a loving home. Period. And something these kids desperately need. Who cares what flavor the parents are?
**pant**pant**pant**
Off soapbox now.
In all of this, isn't the point though that one child's life can be made better?
Life is not fair; the rich rule the planet; many of us go without health insurance; some of us do not get to be parents in this go around.
I'm not trying to be harsh. I don't think money should buy "new rules"... but when the rules are clearly keeping thousands of kids in a less-than-ideal place, all I can think is-- bringing light to these rules, bringing light to Africa and the issue Emma brings up (of dire poverty)-- hell, there are a lot worse ways people like Madonna could use/waste/flaunt their Money-Might.
And, the fact she is still fertile and chooses to adopt, to me, is good sense and planet Earth love--whether you think Madonna's a good mama, a pompous has-been or a whore.
P.S. I do have every one of her CDs but I'm with Moobs on the bad kids' lit.
Very well said, Chicaloungin. Thank you for that.
This was a great subject, Kev. Near and dear to my heart. It think it's one of those discussions, where there is always going to be strong opinons either way.
I still like Angie better tho.....
Hi Kevin, I'm not one of your usual commenters, but I am another adoptive parent-in-waiting. I totally agree that the money and attention Madonna is giving to the plight of orphans is great. And I do know you sympathize with those of us in waiting! However, aside from whatever personal affront I feel because she has received preferential treatment, there is also the perception (reality?) that she is buying a baby, and needless to say, that paints international adoption in a negative light. And while I doubt Madonna will singlehandedly bring down international adoption, critics look at examples like this to cast doubt on the whole system. Some countries do consider closing their international adoption programs when their children and citizens are not treated with respect. This is my only way to form a family, and I'd hate to see clods like Madonna ruin it for the rest of us. (Yes, that's a selfish desire on my part - it really is about the kids first and foremost!)
Sorry, but just a couple more things. I think that the human rights groups are not necessarily protesting simply because Malawi doesn't allow international adoption. It is that she was approved for adoption in two days -- under any other circumstances you have to go through intense scrutiny to prove you are a fit parent. Also, she was presented with 12 children and she got her pick. I guess you could argue that Madonna's material wealth will provide this child with a better life. But really, other than materially (which is no small thing, I know), this adoption is not being carried out in a way to serve the child's best interest. Thanks for letting me hijack your blog...I guess I need my own!
Don't you love when you post something that gets people cussing and discussing? I love it, Kevin. I don't have anything of real value to add. Your awesome commenters have taken the cake already. Just thanks for always speaking your mind. And using words like fart as you do it. :)
Well, Madge is a genius at self-promotion. At each level of her career, she's been successful by "pushing" outrageous. Until recently.
I guess most of the world barely batted an eyelash at her last stunt---hanging herself on a cross in concert. Yawn.
So what's would be the inevitable next step? Purchasing a 3 million dollar accessory. The timing is certainly right.
Too bad she wouldn't have gotten as much press if she bought a 3 million dollar purse.
To all you guys waiting for adoption placements---hang in there!
Margaret - no worries, I wasn't offended in the least. I can only try to understand your complete frustration...and that it boiled down to a bathroom??? that really makes me sick to my stomach. I am truly sorry. I also hope that you didn't think that I was being insensitive, because that wasn't my intention. :)
Sayre - thanks for having my back, baby...My oldest brother lives in Orlando and he's EXTREMELY conservative. So, I get an ear-full everytime we talk. He's a good man, we just see things VERY differently. :) Anyway, I hope that as research on children raised in gay households continues to accumulate, that it will convince people that it's not detrimental to the children. Things are happening in more civilized countries (i.e. Gay marriage in Canada, Great Britain, The Netherlands, Czech Republic, Spain, etc.) and I can only hope that it will eventually happen here...sooner rather than later. It's already come much further than I ever thought possible in my lifetime.
Chica - VERY well put. we have all of her music as well. :) that crazy ho.
Holly - now ANGIE, I love...
Ann Marie - (a name dear to my heart) thank you so much for commenting - honestly. You've brought up points that I never thought about. AND, I didn't know any of the circumstances of the quick adoption...although, I shouldn't be surprised. And, You can hijack my blog anytime. :)
I'm actually feeling quite humble after reading all of these comments and truly feel a bit more educated as to many more perspectives than I anticipated.
Catherine - I love that you noticed that I threw the "fart" joke in. Thanks, baby.
Attila - It certainly crossed my mind that it had to do with publicity...I hope not...but I won't be so naive as to think that it couldn't be. Whatever the outcome, I really hope that it's for the best for the child and for the children of Malawi. I've spent quite a bit of time in third world countries and the extreme poverty and conditions haunt me.
Way to pick a touchy subject there, Kevin.
I can see it from both sides but in the end I just think that whatever is best for the child should happen (whether it's not exactly legal or not.) Giving a child a chance at a better future should always take precedence over what's "fair".
Maybe all this negative publicity will help to cut all that red tape that keeps others from adopting children who need them.
PS. I think you and Will and will make excellent fathers. If our group marriage thing doesn't go through maybe you can just adopt me? And then you'd automatically be a gradfather too! Bonus!
Thanks, Kevin.:) The complexities and angles in international adoption and the associated ethics will make your head spin. I think I've got a dissertation brewing, or at least a dissertation-length brain dump.;)
Jenny - Thanks, hottie-McCloud... :) And with the eyebrows I'm sprouting these days, I'm beginning to look like a Grandpa, so at least I'm starting to look the part! And apparently my ears are also working hard at achieving "Grandpa status".
Anne Marie - I hope that you're still around when I post an all-points bulleting asking for advice when it comes time for us to begin the adoption process. Or maybe I should go shake my money-maker on Madonna's front door step. HA! Of course, her body-guards will just man handle me and throw me into the street...which actually...doesn't sound like such a bad idea. I'm gonna go get my hot pants and give it a try.
I have always just worshipped Madonna, and anything she does, I usually love, even if I roll my eyes a bit while I'm loving it.
But I will say that if she's going to cause all this stink about circumventing adoption laws, blah blah, then she should at least make sure that she is the one who takes him home--not a nanny. I know that if I was adopting, I'd want to bring my child home. Small point, maybe, but one that resonated with me.
Also, don't be seen leaving for the gym three hours after your new child is delivered. It's tacky. I almost fell over when I read The Sun article about that.
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