Judgment Call

“You’re STILL HERE???”

This is what some stupid-skank-trash-bitch said to me yesterday. She really does look like a skank. She’s a student here at the University and besides looking like a skank, she also looks as though she’s been giving out blowjobs for free, because no one would dare pay her for them.

She was in one of the first classes that I ever filmed 4 years ago. Her nasty hair looked like she seldom washed it. Her skinny little ass rolled all over campus on her roller-blades, no doubt leaving a wake of disease in her path. Even so, she was nice enough then and when we’d see each other, we’d greet one another. She’d usually smile with a mouth-full of pubes and I’d wave and want to spray her down with Lysol.

Well, somewhere between then and about 2 years ago, she has found out something about me, that I have yet to learn. When we saw each other 2 years ago, she was rolling by on her blades, her stringy hair hanging down stuck to her face, various colored pubics blowing out of her mouth and as I was carrying a lot of camera equipment she called out; “You’re STILL HERE???” and kept rolling by before I could reply. I didn’t know that I WASN’T supposed to be here. So, I’m wondering if she knows something I don’t…about my own fucking life.

Now granted, I thought that I’d be President of the World by now. But, that’s been postponed. I had some other things to do before that could happen. And yes, I really should have fed and clothed and educated every person on the continent and planted trees in every available square foot of land possible, while simultaneously saving animals from inhumane treatment as well, thus scoring me 3 consecutive Nobel Peace Prizes. I haven’t given up on these goals; however, I don’t think that I had previously expressed these desires to this free fellatio-performing skankstress.

Well, I saw her STD-infested self yesterday. She caught me off-guard because I didn’t see her and she again called out; “You’re STILL HERE???” I turned and thought, “Who the fuck is that skank with all the pubics stuck in her teeth and all those flies buzzing around her pussy? Ohhh… it’s THAT skank.” I wanted to retort by saying; “So, when are you FINALLY going to graduate and go back to the trailer park??? Or are you just skating around campus hunting prey, trying to beat last year’s record for how many penises you can fit in your mouth? Or are you just trying to skate away from those flies???” But, I didn’t. Damn it.

I’ve been studying Buddhist philosophy and trying to apply it to my life when it comes to social interaction and confrontation. I’ve been known to be a loose cannon in the past. When I was a passenger in a car, I used to actually lean over the driver to lay on the horn at other drivers that I thought were idiots. At one point when I found myself leaning over Will, SCREAMING out the window at some guy, Will turned to me after it happened and said, “Bubba, you’re going to get me killed.” I thought, whoa…what am I doing??? Am I a complete fucking lunatic? Don’t answer that.

So, since then, I’ve done a 180-degree turn, or at least a 120. I have been getting better. Many times when I’m fantasizing about kicking someone’s teeth in, I don’t actually do it. And many times when I’m fantasizing about running someone off the road, I don’t actually do it. See? Progress. Now, I’m even trying to imagine good thoughts for people who piss me off rather than say, fantasizing that they just burst into flames.

Well, when this little fucking skank bitch said that statement with such seething judgment, I wanted to retaliate. I wanted to make her feel bad. I wanted to tie her nasty hair to the bumper of my car and drive home, but that meant that I would’ve had to touch her. I wanted to set up a trip-wire and watch her go flying into it unawares on her rollerblades and watch as she invariably wore her teeth down on the pavement while she skidded to a stop. Burnt teeth – I hate that smell. However, I would’ve suffered the smell to witness the event, because you know...I'm generous like that. But I didn’t do any of these. Instead, I just turned and said something so lame; “Yeah, it’s a great job!” Could I be anymore of a dork? And then I thought, is it too late to run ahead and set a trip-wire? Maybe if I just throw this hammer at her…

Then, I remembered the Buddhist practice of sending positive thoughts and peaceful energy. So, I imagined a bright light emanating up from within me, pouring forth love, peace and understanding to her. Then I thought; maybe if I just yell something about how we ALL know that she’s covered in STD’s and that with all those pubes stuck in her mouth – her tongue looks like a fucking Chia Pet and with all of those flies buzzing around her pussy, we all know her vagina’s a garbage dump. See? Progress.