The Chicken Or The Egg?

Will and I try to eat whole, fresh organic food. We’ve done well at limiting sugar in our diets and have completely cut out processed foods (okay, almost completely – almost completely? Umm..oxymoron? Yes.). The more simple the food and the preparation of it, the healthier it is. Now don’t get me wrong; I’d LOVE to have Frito’s, Dorito’s, French onion dip and ice cream for dinner…and Oreo’s for lunch and glazed or sugar-powdered donuts for breakfast. Be I don’t, we don’t.

Will quit smoking in early December and has been doing a fantastic job of refraining from it. Although, he misses it very much and expresses it to me on a regular basis. He said that if it weren’t for me, he’d still be smoking. I think that he’s kind of bitter about it and is not so much giving me credit, but rather blaming me. Either way, I don’t really give a shit. I’m glad that he quit. He did it of his own accord and I'm extremely proud of him. However, if he ever starts again, I’ll never let him enjoy it. I used to try to just let him be and probably didn't do a very good job of it. I used to think, oh he needs to want to quit, this has to be his decision, when he’s ready. Fuck that. When you have people that love you, it’s not just you in the mix. Sorry, it’s not, call me selfish. (However, I’m sure that if I were in a relationship with Nikki, she’d smoke – end of story. And then she’d kick my ass.)

When Will was quitting, I would try a whole barrage of motivation, “Be strong, Will, be strong...” And he’d get pissed at me, because he said it reminded him of Lance Armstrong, which I’m not sure why that pissed him off, most likely just because he quit smoking and had taken on the evil soul of Lucifer. Buddha and Jesus could’ve pissed him off during this time. So then, I’d say, “Bubba, you’re doing a great job, champ!” And he’d say, “NO, I’M NOT!!! I WANT A CIGARETTE SO FUCKING BAD!!! DAMN IT!!!”

So, then I’d try, “Hang in there, (whispering) beezelbubb.”

And then he’d yell, “AAAHHHH!!! I CAN’T HANG IN THERE!!! AND I HEARD THAT!!!”

THEN, I’d try, “Bubba, do you want to give your money to companies that put severely addictive substances in their life-destructive products on PURPOSE to keep you hooked?”

And he’d bellow, “YES! I DO!”

So, then I tried not saying anything. When he’d say that he was on the verge of COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT, I’d say, “Ohh…”

And then he’d scream, “OH!! NOW YOU’RE NOT TALKING TO ME???”

And then I’d wonder where I could hide the body.

Well, now I’m trying to inspire him to eat more fruit. If I don’t cut it up and put it in front of him, he doesn’t eat it. You’d think he was 3. Well, last night, I arrived home rather late from work and while I was eating my 9:30 pm dinner that he had splendidly prepared, he grabbed a nectarine all on his own. So, I turned and said, “Bubba, are YOU having a nectarine?”

And he said, “Yes, I am.”

And I asked, “Has it been rolled in cigarettes and soaked in vodka?”

And he replied, “I wish.”

Then this morning, I came in from doing my laps in the pool and asked Will if he had any fresh blueberries with his breakfast. He said, “I had blueberry yogurt, it’s the same thing.”

Then as I was washing some grapes for my lunch, I said, “Will, you should have some of these grapes before they go bad…”

And he said in a matter-of-factly voice from his studio, “Stop telling me what to do.”

I used to think of myself as a really a nice person, but I’m not so sure anymore. I can be kind of (aggressive) assertive. Now that I think of it, he started smoking when I first moved in. And without being soaked in vodka, that’s kind of sobering...