Got A Light?

No! Silly, I mean a BUTT LIGHT!

Well, I still have a faint headache that's lurking in the back empty hallways of my head. I wasn't feeling very well today, it may have been that entire package of butter cookies and half a cherry pie and ice cream that I had for breakfast. That may have done it. I normally don't eat that extreme amount of sugar, so when I do, I pay for it. I got a little bit nauseated and managed to strike up a sugar-headache that has more or less lasted all day.

However, at least I don't have a light bulb in my ass. Our correspondent Dickie in D.C., you may remember him from the "Angry Owner Uses Dead Chihuahua As A Weapon" fame? Yes, the very one. He should have received a Pulitzer for bringing us that story. Well, he's been at it again. Thankfully.

Dickie has brought us two links for our reading and viewing pleasure. The first consists of a story of none other than Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan, who claims he woke up last weekend with a glass light bulb in his anus. Now, I don't want to be a naysayer. But, I happen to be a liiiitttttle bit skeptical that he just woke up that way. I know, I know...you're thinking, "But Kevin! He could have been ethered and someone slipped him the bulb!" And that could entirely be true...I mean, there are sooo many reasons to do such a thing, I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Can you picture the scenario before hand? The dialogue? Let's try: "Hey, Achmed, I've got an idea...see that light bulb up there? Yeah? Well, what do you think of Fateh's ass? Huh? Oh, besides it being extremely hairy and bearing lots of dingle berries... Tell me this, what would you give me if I told you that I could make that light bulb disappear?"

And secondly, for our viewing pleasure: THE ROSS SISTERS!
Had these women not been in the era that they were and say, maybe performing now with Madonna on tour, I'm pretty sure that they would be known as "The Sisters Who Can Put Their Heads In Their Own Vaginas!!!"