Demonstrating Dummy Donors

Yesterday I washed my filthy car. I HATE washing cars. I'd rather eat a pile of dirt. But once I realized that a load of dirt in my stomach wasn't going to get my car clean any quicker, I decided to fore-go the ingestion of dirt and wash the damn car. I finally thought that I should because it was extremely difficult to see out of the windows. And I'm not kidding. I think that I ran over at least 4 people and didn't even realize it.

I've always hated washing cars, always. I don't mind washing dishes, it's kind of meditative in a way. I think shining tires is completely ludicrous. I do it, but I think it's crazy. We drive on them. To me, it's like shining the bottom of your shoes. Now I agree, clean cars and shined tires look really nice, I just hate doing it. And then I think of all the chemicals we use on washing these cars and rinsing them right into the earth and our own water supply, our food supply and air supply and eventually we won't even notice when we begin to resemble really clean and glossy walking, talking things. I imagine in the future that even when we fart, it will come out as a squeak.

Anyway, I did start zoning out while I was scrubbing those damn tires. I began thinking about the Westboro Baptist Church fuckers of the god hates fags fame. Yesterday morning CNN reported on how these assholes have been demonstrating outside the funerals of soldiers that have been killed in Iraq and professing that god is killing soldiers AND coal miners because of America's tolerance of gays. I actually laughed. Out loud. I wasn't angry (or surprised) for my socially oppressed group. I was angry for the family and friends of the fallen soldiers that these morons are demonstrating in front of.

Now, I DO forgive them and I wish that I could tell you that I imagined a chorus of thousands dressed in white surrounding them singing Amazing Grace or Sweet Home Alabama. Or maybe a choir of a thousand gay men on rollerskates orbiting the group clad in sequined thongs and wings on their backs and huge poofy afro wigs singing It's Raining Men by The Weather Girls. However, to be honest with you, I imagined myself hiding in the bushes in front of these churches, clad in my camouflage uniform, face painted in dark colors and twigs taped to my head to blend in, with Deb (my best bud from my military days) talking to each other in hushed baby voices shooting them. I actually fantasized killing them. I try to be against killing anything, not even bugs, but I wanted to kill them, slowly...beginning with their knee caps.

The cameras showed these protestors quoting from the Bible (holding it up and pointing to lines and passages) and spewing hate and broadcasting their stupidity loud and clear. I used to refer to it as ignorance, but that was really giving them the benefit of the doubt. There's no excuse anymore. People need to start rubbing together what 3 brain cells they have and begin figuring things out for themselves. Deductive reasoning is really rather something when encouraged. Common sense should really be more common. And it begins with questioning - EVERYTHING.

So, I started thinking. These people honestly believe that the Bible was faxed down from a creator that spews forth hate and destruction and can't possibly realize that they're actually spreading evil themselves. So, instead of killing them, I have a solution.

I think with so many dumb pieces of shit roaming America's plains and breeding unchecked, we should begin harvesting organs, skin, cartilage, valves and veins from these animals. Instead of taking bovine valves from cows or porcine valves from poor innocent pigs for human cardiac surgery, take valves from these fuckheads. Instead of harvesting a liver or a kidney or a heart from a person that was just killed, take it from one of these asswipes. They're living, just put them on a fucking table and take their shit...Well, not their shit, but you know...And if they put up a fight? We'll just tell them that the Bible told them to do it and they'll be all for it.

Now, we won't be able to take their brains. It's obvious that they don't have them to take. We could take the tops of their nervous systems...yeah, we could take the tops of their spinal cords and then maybe use whatever IS in the area where the brain should've been and use it for...for...packing material, like Styrofoam, or bubble wrap.