I'll Blame It On The Onions
Last night as I was chopping some vegetables for dinner, our friend Geness, who's going through a separation and staying with us for a little while to get back on her feet, was in the living room with Will. They were watching some TV and laughing, while I started thinking back on the last few mornings I've had.
We live a few minutes from the beach and every chance I get (about 4 mornings a week) I take Gomez and Wednesday, our pups, there for a nice long walk. I usually take them in the early morning before many people show up so we don't have anymore mishaps like when Gomez was attacked by that fuckface's dog and then run over by a TRAIN - all in about 10 seconds. I still see that bastard almost everyday. I don't blame the dog, I blame the asshole who owns the dog. One day, if the yoga and meditation don't help, I may just have to resort to kicking the piece of shit in his teeth. Until then, I'll be civil...and I'll keep preaching peace to the pissed-off one that resides in me.
The dogs and I share a common bond of absolutely loving the beach. Gomez is able to run freely on the soft sand without hurting his paw (where he lost some digits from the train accident) and it almost moves me to tears everytime I see him run so carefree (the trauma and guilt of watching what happened will unfortunately, never be out of my head). I carry him over the rocks to the safe sandy part so he doesn't trash his paw on the small pebbles, which he still has a hard time with. And Wednesday sticks by me, the ever loyal alpha female. She stays by my side until she can't stand it anymore and then she takes off like a bolt chasing Gomez all over. He LOVES it. Then she returns to me satisfied that she got her ya-ya's out. Both of them all jazzed up, looking as though they had just snorted lines of Comet.
With the waves crashing and the breeze blowing in, it seems like a bit of heaven there. Seals poking their heads out of the water to investigate what we're up to. Dolphins feeding just off-shore, while squadrons of pelicans glide in formation overhead. That's my heaven. The dogs heaven happens to be a bit more on the aromatic side. A touch of the divine permeating their nostrils, especially with it being a virtual smorgasbord of rotting seaweed, dead fish, sea birds and lots of shit. They think it's an all-you-can-eat seafood and shit buffet, so they are constantly sniffing, licking and trying to roll in anything disgusting. The more repulsive the better.
Well a couple of days ago, as we were walking, a seal was what looked to be, at a distance, frolicking in the waves. As we approached, it was clear, it wasn't frolicking...it was dying. The waves were relentless in their pursuit of drowning the creature. It was awful and seemed too brutal for such a serene morning. The beach was still beautiful, but what I was witnessing was torture for the creature's life and for my sensitive heart. And like life itself, the juxtaposition suggested something a bit unnecessarily cruel.
I turned around and walked the other way so the dogs wouldn't bother it and I wouldn't have to watch. Although, we'd have to pass at some point to get back to where we started from. I called the County Sheriff's office to report it, to see if they might come and pick up the poor suffering thing. The dispatcher was such a lifeless asswipe, "They make a sweep of the beach everyday, I'm sure they'll pick it up. Goodbye." Thanks you evil whore.
I kept stalling, I didn't want to see anymore. The water kept knocking the poor seal down and it would struggle to get up, struggling to breathe. It looked like a worm out of dirt, flailing this way and that. The water had been its home for most of its life, now it was going to kill it. We eventually had to walk past it. The dogs were eerily respectful of the creature while we passed. I wished it peace and wished for its suffering to be quick. And even though I feel that all of life is interconnected, that we are all limbs on something much bigger and that death is just another transition, I couldn't contain my tears. Watching something in its last minutes gasping for air, all alone and trying desperately to cling to its life was just too much. As I wished for peace for it, I wished for the wind to dry the wetness of my eyes and for something else to steal my attention away.
So yesterday, we passed that seal on the beach again. This time Wednesday ran ahead and scared all of the vultures from it. All apart of the cycle, I suppose. I wanted to call that fucking dispatcher back and tell her that she IS an evil whore, tell her that she was wrong...they never came. Maybe she knew that they wouldn't. As the waves were lapping at the shore and the sun was warming my back, I wished again for the wind to dry my eyes.
And last night, with Will and Geness laughing and making fun of whatever was on TV, I quietly chopped the vegetables and I thought, if they come around the corner into the kitchen and see me...I'll blame it on the onions.






31 Comments:
i hate seeing animals die...it hurts so much worse than seeing random humans die ( i know that sounds mean) but its coz they dont have a way to express what they feel and want in a way we can understand easily...animals are my weak point...use anything to get to me and ill be tough but seeing a hurting animal will make me break.
Yes, blame the onions. And blame the stupid dispatch people. Complete and utter fucktarded jerks, but I agree with grafxgurl....animals cannot communicate with us on a level in which can most time comprehend....it is sadder at times than to witness the death of a human just for that fact.
Kevin, that was so moving.
That poor seal.
I wish I had onions to blame today when I spent most of the day thinking about a friend I had lost touch with, and I spent the day right on that cusp of crying/not crying. I thought postng about it might get it out of my system, but all I did was keep reading it and straddling that line. I'm glad I didn't read this till I was home.
It must have been so hard to see. I know you probably wanted to help, but what could you do? Nature is a beautiful thing but it's harsh at times, too.
you made me think i had some onions in front of my keyboard.
i used to have a very hard time with death and dying, now due to the nature of my work, while still hard, i can work through it. i don't know if that makes me a "hard" person, it just doesn't affect me as it used to, i do get involved and feel with people/things but i am now able to move on, ok i'll stop now as i'm not making sense! blame it on getting up at a crap hour this morning.
i can't believe that stupid crack whore dipatcher. want me to beat the crap out of her for you? anything to make you feel better.
m
I am all choked up. You should definitely write those idiots a letter and tell them how incompetent they are. That is so sad.
Your dogs sound like they've been passed the empathy gene from their Daddy. :)
Carrie
yesterday i saw a nature thing on how animals are aware of death and totally cried when this whole mircat (sp?) family surrounded this dying cat and it was just so beautiful and i just lost it.
and now, with all the sensativity that i learned as a hospital chaplain, an ode to your comment about your dog's having snorted commet lines:
commet: it tastes like gasoline.
commet: it turns your mouth all green.
commet: it makes you vomit,
so eat some commet and vomit today.
amen.
Wow, Kevin, that was just gorgeously written. I needed a good cry and you provided it. Thank you!
~sniff~ Hand me a tissue, dammit.
That is so very sad.
Find out where the dispatcher whore parks and key her car.
Oh my gosh - from your title I was waiting and waiting for a big fart punchline! Blame it on Nikki.
That was so beautiful and moving.
Aw, man... sniff
I don't have any onions to blame these tears on.
fucking dispatcher.
fucking evil whore. fucking circle of life shit.
nonetheless, it all adds to the beauty in the end--confronting moments like that to appreciate what you have. the beach sounds truly gorgeous, and I am dead jealous.
wow thats sad. so sad. i read the post about when gomez got hurt. how terrible! but your description of the korean woman was priceless. even in the midst of all this that made me sad to read i still laughed at your little comments about kicking in the crotch and things.
xo
Kevin you are so sensitive (in a good way). That is a beuatiful post.
On another note: I just love the names you have chosen for your pups!
I love you! You just write the best posts! One day it's about SUCK NICK SUCK and then you make me cry over the seal.
How will I explain my tears at work though? There are no onions here....
omg..I teared up just reading this. I can't stand seeing anything suffer. I cry instantly.
You are so very cool, Kevin.
The world needs more people like you.
{{{Hugs}}}
*hugs you* i feel ya kev ...that was awful sad
Kevin - You need to come to Laguna and hang out with Jack for a week... he will be going to "Camp Pinniped", at the Sea Lion Rescue Center, here in Laguna Beach... I'm sure, with the right clothing, we could pass you off as just a tall 8 year old...
There was no call for the dispatcher to be such a cow... would it have killed her to be kind? Or, heaven forbid, helpful??
All right, I've been lurking around this place for weeks. But this post is making me come out of the infamous bushes to say, "Damn you're good! You've got range, Kevin!" I'm choking on ice while reading your last post one minute. The next, I'm contorting my face in strange, strange ways in an effort to not cry at my desk.
*sigh* I love a good emotional read at work. So thanks. :)
I am so afraid of trying to leave a comment right now...
I wrote out some long comment complete with wit and humor to everyone then WHAMMO!!! blogger said, 'FUCK YOU KEVIN, YOU ASSHOLE!"
I'm scared...so here goes...
oh please...oh please...
WWWOOO-HHHOOOO!!!
Okay, I better hurry up...I have to piss so bad right now.
Grafxgurl & -xtasy - I know what you mean...I much rather hit some asshole (and blogger) square in the face than see some innocent creature suffer.
Molly - thank you...yes, I would love for you to beat the crap out of her. HA!
Nikki, ACG, Mel, Tara, Kim, Kristin, Becky, Carrie, Sophia, Margaret, Christina, Mrs. Chicky, Holly, Jen, Susan, thanks you guys...my buds...my homies...my posse.
Kat - LOL...especially the "amen" part.
gingajoy - made me burst out laughing.
Catherine, thank you (bowing down)so much for the compliment...and for stepping out from those bushes!
I knew you guys were all cool and would understand. I love hanging with you all and after chatting with Christina for a bit while blogger was bending us all over, just for the record, I do not "hang" in a thong. I think that men's thongs should be banned and burned.
Now, to go and make some COMMENTS!
i hope.
Fucking mean ass fucking dispatcher. Fuck keying her car ice pick her fucking tires and put bologna on her fucking roof. She is a horrible whore who deserves a fate no less than the poor defensless seal that no one was able to help.
FUCK.
**with molly, I have onions on my keyboard too.**
~d, you just crack me the fuck up. I just wish that you would tell us how you really feel. LOL.
You fricking rock.
What's with the bologna on the roof? I'm not familiar with that one...
Why O WHY did I delete that email where Kev admitted to the thong! Dammit to hell. My blackmail material ain't shit now. ~sighs~
Ooooooh blogger has annoyed me, I posted a comment yesterday and rhen blogger said "SORRY! WE'RE NOT WORKING AT THE MOMENT!"
I totally know what you are talking about, I grew up seeing dying animals on the beach below our house and it was horrible to see the suffering AND that it took so long for the folks that are supposed to help (put them out of their misery) to arrive. Sometimes days.
I too, have seen animals flailing in the waves and it is horrible, like they are losing their dignity as they fight there in the surf.
As for the dogs' respect for the animal, animals have an amazing instinct. I am close with a dog now and have seen some of that in him. I am glad your dog scared the vultures off the next day at least!!!
i'm glad you weren't offended by my ode, for i was a bit worried about that. so that's one worry out of the way. now i just need to figure out why i had a dream about larry the cable guy last night. oh, and why the hell anyone would put bologna (sang the song in my head) on the roof...
ok kevin i just got reading about the dogs! im so pissed! i cried and laughed at the same time AND im pissed.
first off is this a habit in the dog world? run attack and beat up doggies littler than you? cuz it seems to happen too much ! anddd you need to start carrying one of those stun guns and just zap em! zzzzzzzzapppp!
Jeez you would think we had a fricken Onion peeling contest here or something. There is no crying in Blogging!
The thing probably died because it was old or hurt or who knows why. Its part of the cycle of life in the wild like it or not.
On the other hand I agree the dispatcher was a major bitch. She could have sent out the Dept of Natural Resources or someone to put it out of its misery and then haul it away at the very least.
FYI: Bologna on cars in the hot sun eats the paint in a very nice circle. Years of mis spent youth I guess?
I have to admit I was waiting for the punch line at the end and then felt guilty when it never came.
The comet poem was fricken funny. Who else here remembers the comet snorting from the cheech and chong movie?
Rainman - Thanks for the info on the bologna...never knew that one.
And oh yes, I remember the whole comet thing from that Cheech & Chong movie - one of my all time favorite scenes! Do you remember that thing she kept doing after snorting it? I laugh my ass off everytime.
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