Gutter Blog
Great. Now I have all kinds of Gential Herpes Ads and Genital Warts Ads gracing my website. Margaret just recently mentioned it in a comment and it is too funny for words. But I'm going to try and find some anyway.
Before, when I wrote about flax seed and how my family called to tell me that they were FARTING UP A STORM and everytime they tooted, they thought of me...aahhh...so endearing, isn't it? At the time, all the ads were for fart machines, which I never knew there was such a thing. But suddenly, I'm advertising them. Excellent.
This, of course also means that whatever I'm bitching about? I end up advertising for...double karmic excellence.
Writing on a whole gamut of subjects can obviously evolve into a plethora of things or subjects that people Google or "search" for in their search engines. Here are a few of the inquires that bring people to papa (me). I thought that you all might enjoy some of them.
kicked her in the crotch
heels sinking mud
european man shorts
helping little sisters with bra
horrible first dates
love enemas (maybe from: TURBULENT WATERS, which had nothing to do with love, mmm-kay?)
taffeta spanking (taffeta spanking???)
how porcupines give birth to their babies (maybe from: I DON'T HAVE A VAGINA)
is it alright to wear jeans on a first date (how does this bring people to ME?)
kicked her in her crotch (okay, I must write this a lot, but who searches this out, let alone more than once?)
korean bitch fuck (that is just so sweet...so romantic...what a really lovely person)
panties european (okay...so I bought REALLY uncomfortable underwear one time: EUROPEAN MAN PANTIES)
panties over the head (huh?)
peeing beside cars
rectum destroyer story (I'm embarassed just reading that)
piss stains underwear (what?)
pooping in panties porn (that is SO fucking disgusting)
frozen german shepard sperm (okay...)
smashed balls (again...who searches this OUT???)
stallion genitalia (well...they must have heard of me...ahem...* i raise an eyebrow and adjust myself*)
tight little panties (okay, that HAD to be my Dad)
tighty whities spanking (and this was probably my Mom)
This is specifically by request from GINGAJOY that I include these two in the same post to witness what ads might appear: BUSH and PUSSY. Let us watch, shall we?
Stumble It!
posted by Kevin Charnas | 8:17 PM
32 Comments:
Goddammit, Kevin, I! AM! AT! WORK! You CANNOT write this shit while I am at work. I had to actually go outside so I could laugh, and I think my neighbors across the street (it's a shrink's office) must totally be diagnosing me to each other as we speak.
God, that was funny.
My fave search on my site is "Fretty lady fucking."
The fuck?
HAHAHA! This so totally rolls. What type of meds ARE you on?!
P.S. Party at Christina's
LOL inside...but having to laugh silently in my chair at work so as not to attract attention to my not working! ;)
You always blow me away with your posts (now you will probably have advertisements for blow jobs...)
My two fave searches for me have been:
Farang Ding Dong- which is some form of kinky asian slang
AND
Like to Mommy Fuck- NIICCCEEEE!!!!
the only reason i have a counter is to see the searches that bring people to my blog.
Why is it, with 48 billion porn sites, all of the sickos end up on OUR blogs?
BUSH and PUSSY:
I suspect you will get queries from people wondering if cats have pubic hair.
Great post. Gave me chance to read some of your past posts and I enjoyed them all. You are so funny!
the wearing jeans on the 1st date, probably from your shit pants 1st date story, wasnt he in jeans? AND to bad if they all have to stiffle their laughter at work (bad employees, bad bad) at least they can read you from work, I have to wait for my lunch hour.
"taffeta spanking"....ok, I don't know why exactly, but this makes me helpless with laughter. Ugly bridesmaids with ping pong paddles?
My searches aren't nearly as exciting. One of them was "Mushroom farming in Arkansas".
Hmph. I'm soooo dull.
you will get all the searches for people seein if Bush is getting any pussy baahahhahaha
Counters?
Pussy?
Bush?
How did I miss these these WORDS first time around?
Kev-what type of meds are you on?
I haven't gotten any weird searches on my current blog yet. But on my Peanut Pants blog? That brought out the sickos. My favorite was Dancing in Naked Pants. I ask of you -- how can you be naked AND wearing pants?
This is so unfair- your google search terms are so much fun! Mine are pretty tame comparatively!
Funny how Bush and Pussy, still bring up the genital warts...
hmmmmmmmm?
Why not Viagra?
I've had "green tits" (because my "Insult Name" is 'greentits Republican') and "does pubic hair turn gray?" and "why does it smell when I masterbate[sic]" (I one number one in the search for that one on my political site- now 4).
Great fun. Thanks for the laugh.
I'm thinking the 'rectum destroyer' and the 'frozen German Shephard sperm' searches are from the same person... (Okay, that's baaad.)
for "bush" and "pussy" i keep getting hurricane katrina relief ads. it seems rather appropriate, really.
i just read your european pants bit and think i will develop a similar post. thanks for the inspiration...oh, and the giggle-fest. taffeta-spaking my ass...ha.
'bush' and 'pussy'....
*waits quietly in the background for a whole lotta fun*
hahahahaha!!!!!! Omg that cracked me up! How do you find that out?? What kind of counter tells you what searches bring people to your site?
LOL!!!!!
Kevin, I'm with them, I want to know what kind of meds you are on...so I can go and get some.
Tooooo funny!!!!
I get google searches for
spank my ass
touch my ass
bite my ass
LOL
Bush + Pussy = Hurricane Katrina ads. Nobody does it better... :) I love Google.
Carrie
What? You don't have a Vagina? Are you sure? Heh. :)
I only get hits from people who Google Shrindhar Chillal - the guy who holds the Guiness record for longest fingernails. That's it. Nothing else. But MAN! You have no idea how many people look that guy up and come to me. (Shrindhar and I are big buds of course.)
"rectom destroy story" I'd really rather not investigate further about that one...
And yes, what kind of counter do you use that shows you the searches?
wow. a week from hell and i hope it's over. i actually had to do some work this week and I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT.
Mel,Denise, sorry...not really, but kind of... :) Fretty lady fucking? what the hell is that?
~d, glue, I'm sniffing glue...and probably some dog shit too.
Jen, "Farang Ding Dong"??? too funny...and "Mommy Fuck"??? see? these pervs. They're probably Christina's friends.
ACG - we could just blog about these people.
Admiral - cat's w/ pubes? that's an awful visual - HA!
Susan, thank you...really, thanks.
Attila, that's another visual that's a little frightening, though probably therapeutic for the bridesmaids.
Holly, so true...was thinking that myself. He's a rash.
Stephanie, don't feel bad, these foul searches sound MUCH more glamorous than they really are. HA! :)
Kim, just rashes.
Margaret, saran wrap? I don't know...just guessing.
Gratis, green tits? HA! and eeww...yuk. (on the scent part)
Sweatpantsmom, LOL! kinky fellow that one is... huh?
Jessica, why that dude?
Xtasy, meow.
Kat, glad I could help, can't wait to read it!
Tony, Tara, I click on the month in webstats, do you have that? A friend has hooked me up with all of this stuff, so I barely know what I'm doing.
Carrie, so true...that bastard.
Nikki, I am not surprised...
Kristin? I know you're out there, no worries DM.
Kevin - it's because of this boring stupidness...
http://othejoys.blogspot.com/2006/02/another-exciting-sunday-morning-with.html
Whoo Hoo! Love enemas and Taffeta spankings. Sounds like a great Friday night to me.
OMG--peeing myself here. "Stallion Genitalia???"
So far the ads are disappointingly philanthropic. What Gives???
Those are some impressive search terms, Kevin. Hope you get a nice kickback from the gen. herpes ads.
Lisa
Rubber cement? Or just honest to God glue? I need to get some...
(~d totes glue over to Christina's...)
oh no, i'm embarassed to admit this but kevin you had me giggling to the point i passed wind. couldn't help it, just happened.
thanks.
my google searches:
debbie does dallas
feet bones noise when walking
virginity anatomy photos
debbie+boobs
Nair+testies
engorged boobs
fracture du pacins
embarassed to wear sandals
clarance i'm stroking
i'm a pervert i tell you, a BIG one LOL!
m
DUDE! I mean... DUDE! You redecorated, and it is HOT!
Niiiiiiice. So you. Loving that image in your header!
(P.S. - did you read my Daddyblogger Love-In Post yet? You might want to.)
Ooooh. Love the new look! Kind of a cross between the Arabian Nights and Best Little Whorehouse in Texas!
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