Crack Overdose

I can't believe how much butt crack I see in any given day. And let me tell you, most of it is NOT flattering. I work as a camera man at the University of California, Santa Barbara. And I usually sit in the back of the classrooms where I film various classes. So, I'm behind everyone. I'm behind their behinds. I'm also at least 15 years older than most of them. And more often than not, I feel those 15 years. I wear low-rise jeans occasionally and with lots of work and some lucky genetics, I still have the body to, I think...Although, my eyesight isn't what it use to be, so maybe not. Now, what we wear and don't wear under those jeans is where the road diverges. I do wear underwear and I wear my pants high enough to cover them, but not too high where I have a camel toe (a.k.a. dooger). The students wear the low-rise jeans and now they don't even wear underwear. It used to be that they'd wear the G-Strings, so that they could show them off... G-Strings or brightly colored thongs, with pretty designs or jewels... but now? Nothing. Except hair.

When I was younger, we'd be mortified if anyone saw our underwear, let alone our asses. Unless we were drunk and mooning people, or sober and mooning people, or streaking, or falling down a flight of stairs drunk and having one's pants pop off when arriving on the last stair, but that was different. Wasn't it? Okay, so maybe we wouldn't have been mortified for anyone to have witnessed our under garments or our tushes. It just seemed as though our intent was more to be an ass, rather than to show an ass. But, the crack-thing these days is much more deliberate in its message than it previously was...there seems to be an intent to it that says, "Hey, look...I'm hot." But, it also simultaneously says, "Hey, look...I'm hot AND I'm trying too hard." A desperation that seems a little broadcasted.

It's the plumber look, no? However, I don't really think that the plumbers are deliberate in their revelations. After all, they're working, they're all bent over and you know...plumbing. I like plumbers, but I don't want to see their cracks with all that ass hair. But with plumbers, I understand...it's okay, they're plumbing. I wonder if they're irritated that a look that was exclusive to them, is now commonplace? Do you think that they get together at their conventions and say, "Alright you guys! This is bullshit and we're NOT gonna stand for it anymore! If everyone's just gonna show their asses off like it ain't no thang, then I say, 'Hell no! We won't show!' " And they begin chanting; "HELL NO, WE WON'T SHOW! HELL NO, WE WON'T SHOW!" Or maybe they're warbling; "WHAT DO WE WANT?? BUM COVERAGE!! WHEN DO WE WANT IT?? NOW!! We would be so lucky... Nevertheless, with non-plumbers (a.k.a. the rest of the population) I'm completely overdosed on crack. And in the past hour, (I counted so that I could tell you) I've seen 6 ass cracks.

I could actually understand if one had a really nice bottom, which I know is a subjective opinion. But it is seldom the case. I wish that they just left it up to my imagination.

I saw Natalie Cole's butt crack one time. She was wearing some very low low-rise jeans, no thong, no G-string, just showing off her ass, thinking it's a dream. It wasn't. I got to look at it for about 2 hours and it was disturbing. I wanted to go up and put a quarter in it and see if she'd sing Unforgettable, because that was.